Satanic Sundays

Satanic Sunday #2: Masturbation

For last weeks Satanic Sunday click here.

The topic for this post was chosen by a poll on twitter. If you haven’t followed yet, why not?

“My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Growing up in a Pentecostal home, many things were considered to be sinful. One of those things is the most natural things that nearly all humans enjoy, masturbation. Science has taught us that masturbation for men can help prevent prostate cancer, improve mood, as well as relax those who might have trouble sleeping. For women it can help improve self image, decrease stress, and in some may be the only way to reach orgasm.  The majority of people on earth masturbate so why on earth would it be considered sinful? Think about it, you can’t tickle yourself, but you can get yourself off, so there must be some evolutionary reason for it. We’re not even special in our  self love practices, as is shown in the video below.


So why is something so natural considered sinful? It all stems from a couple of passages from the Bible, one a misunderstanding of context and the other an attack on thought crime. From these two passages, Christians form their anti-masturbation beliefs.

In Genesis 38 we are told of Onan who instead of raising up, what he believed would be his brothers children(They had no idea how sex worked), instead chose to pull out and cum on the ground. If anything it is a condemnation of trying to deceive god or at worse a condemnation of the pull out method. Nothing at all to do with masturbation.

The second comes from the words of Christ:

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28

In this we see a condemnation of thought crime. It isn’t about a physical act but a thought, and that thought is lust. As a pentecostal child I remember ministers preaching on the sin of lust, probably more often than any other topic. Lust is blames for numerous other sins in the world. Without lust we wouldn’t have rapists, we wouldn’t have homosexuality, or divorce. It is thought that if we can just control our lustful desires that we could truly become the people that god wants us to be.

There are a couple other passages that deal with the emission of semen in the Jewish law, but these deal with any type of emission and do not deal just with masturbation. So with that in mind I have left them out of this discussion. If you feel the need to read one of these other passages check out Deuteronomy 23.

As a child it is ingrained in your mind that lust is evil. It is never said that without lust we would have no marriages, no love, and no children. Lust is never treated as a natural desire and so anything that attempts to deal with feelings of lust, outside of prayer and fasting, is deemed as a product of Satan. Children feel the urge to masturbate because Satan is attempting to kick their lustful feelings into overdrive, this will in some way allow him to control the child later in life.  Masturbation is the gateway drug to murder.

These anti-lust teachings go even further in some churches.  They teach that the fruit, which eve tasted in the garden of Eden, was not an actual fruit but was her experiencing an orgasm for the first time, through the help of the serpent.  Think of the rush of chemicals that are produced when you orgasm and maybe you can see how they would say it is mind altering and expanding, hence the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eve then took what she had learned and brought Adam to orgasm. Those raised in religious indoctrination can speak of the guilt you often experience after sex, thus we see how Adam and Eve saw themselves as guilty and naked before god. Sex is evil and so masturbation is evil as well.

Only when the thoughts of lust enter your mind does the act become something that makes the baby Jesus cry.

I remember once being told that the physical act of masturbation wasn’t evil, but the thoughts in your mind, while you masturbate are. It was said that as long as you can commit the act without thinking of anything lustful, it is perfectly fine. Only when the thoughts of lust enter your mind does the act become something that makes the baby Jesus cry. So the next time you choose to do this, attempt this method, clear your mind of all thoughts, don’t allow a single image to pervade it, and have at it….let me know how it worked in the comment section, because I really don’t see it happening. (Please don’t actually let me know how it works in the comment section)

The truth is that masturbation is perfectly natural and fine, it isn’t going to lead you to a fiery hell or make the baby Jesus cry. It is something healthy that almost everyone does from time to time.  It doesn’t make you dirty, it isn’t one of Satan’s tricks to steal your mind. It is an evolved trait that we share with other members of the animal kingdom.  So as long as you do it in a safe and healthy manner, it’s perfectly fine.  So play with your joystick or toggle switch as much as you want. Enjoy your bean or your pleasure button to your hearts content. It’s safe and fun. Have at it.

One thought on “Satanic Sunday #2: Masturbation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s