I can’t believe how many times I had to point out last week that this article is a satirical take on some of the things that were considered as satanic, sinful, or evil when I was a child. So hopefully writing that bit got that out-of-the-way for the moment.
For last weeks article, click here.
So you might think that the world of Saturday morning cartoons was beyond the reach of christian superstitions. Not so, says the fundamentalist, nearly every single cartoon was an attempt to win your child over to Satan’s army. Today I will go through a top 10 list of sorts in regards to these dreadfully evil and obviously satanic children’s programming.
You might say to yourself, how on earth could the smurfs have been considered evil? Well, Gargamel was a sorcerer, who needed the smurfs to complete his wicked spells. This meant that the smurfs was all about magic and satan. The smurfs themselves were also small, blue, and used their own magic, meaning they were of course demons. If you can’t see just how evil this show is, then you are more than likely a rational and sane person.
9.) Care Bears
The Carebears spent their time trying to help out people feel emotions. They would see someone who is sad or hurt and try to help them with their “Care Bear Stare.” So what evil could be found in this show? Well, for one, the care bear stare was seen as a type of magic, and so it was inherently evil. Secondly and much more important came with the Rainbow bear. As many people know, the Rainbow is used as a symbol for the gay rights movement and so Rainbow Bear was deemed as a homosexual, only existing in the show to invite your children to the wonders of gay sex. I remember being told, “It seems innocent enough, but they’ll see that rainbow elsewhere and they will be led astray.” Personally, I’ve never seen a rainbow and wondered if dick was yummy, but hey, I’m not the sexually repressed sick individual that comes up with this type of backwards thinking.
More than meets the eye is what the Christian fundamentalist would say of this show. Transformers are an abomination in several respects. Number one, they come from another planet where machines are the evolved life-form. We all know that humans are the only species that god created and so they must have been created by satan. Secondly, the transformers are powered by the “allspark.” This is what holds the “soul” of the transformers and is a cube which has symbols on them. A transformer can be good or evil, depending on the nature of the “allspark.” Fundamentalists would say that this is promoting the idea of possession by good or bad spirits, something your child should steer clear from. Lastly, the transformers, transform. It was believed that this might instill some idea that if you don’t like who you are, just make a change and become something different. Fundamentalist churches are incredibly transphobic and the idea was that the transformers might encourage boys and girls to decide to transform into the opposite sex…I know….it’s just plain idiotic…
7.) The Simpsons
A bit of a jump away from the Saturday morning programming, this show was blasted not because of any magical ideas but because it would turn your children into hoodlums. Bart Simpson was seen as the exact opposite of the child that anyone wanted, he swore, he spray painted graffiti, he was brash and disobedient. On top of this, his father was decidedly nonreligious, preferring to spend his Sundays drinking and watching football. To the fundamentalist this was seen as a show that would lead to the complete disintegration of the wholesome and loving family. I can personally remember my mother crying her eyes out when she found out that I was watching The Simpsons with my grandmother. (Strangely enough, The Simpsons is now one of my mothers favorite shows…)
6.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This one even came as a shock to me as a child since I was crazy for the turtles. At one point I have every single action figure that they had produced. For a good period of time, the TMNT’s, were my life. Yet to some fundamentalists they were considered as evil for a couple of reasons. First off was that they were mutants. The reason this is evil is that it taught that mutation was possible, a key aspect of evolution. Secondly the turtles were sentient, and so were their numerous friends and adversaries. Animals don’t have souls and so animals like this were seen as an abomination. Strange that the church which promotes a talking snake and donkey would be against other animals exhibiting similar traits. Lastly was a very strange belief. It was rumored that the show emboldened nazi propoganda. This stemmed from an artist who made a puzzle that happened to contain a swastika in the artwork. The puzzle was recalled and it had no real connection to the show but it was enough to get this rumor circulating.
5.) Muppet Babies
Once again we go back to anthropomorphic animals being a source of evil in the world. Yet the real evil stems from a single episode titled “Nice to have Gnome You.” In this episode the show refers many times to the movies “Labyrinth” and “The Witches” Two movies that were completely banned by most parents in the fundamentalist community. This was seen as the Muppet Babies attempting to push the ideas of witchcraft and sorcery into the minds of children and so it was incredibly evil.
4.) Scooby Doo
So this show gets hit from both sides. The first being that each show centers around a haunting presence in a spooky castle, a museum, amusement park, etc… This was seen as promoting the idea of ghosts and spirits, something the church frowns heavily upon. “We are appointed once to die and then judgement,” is something you hear numerous times growing up, so ghosts are not allowed in the picture. The second issue with the show is that the teenagers use logic and reason to expose all of these hauntings as frauds and the magic as simple tricks. This is believed to promote the idea that nothing supernatural exists in the world and thus god cannot exist.
A bit later than my own youth was the insurgence of Pokemon onto the scene. Along with it many copy cat shows also emerged. All of these shows were deemed as evil within the church because they promoted harnessing demons for your own purposes. The pokemon were not simply creatures that would fight one another but actual evil beings based around Asian lore and mythology. It was believed that allowing your children to watch the show might invite them to research the myths behind some of the characters and thus turn them into enchanters.
2.) The Legend of Zelda
This show was loved by children who loved the game, little more can be said about the show. It was really not that great of a show, featured horrible storylines and the artwork was dull and drab. Yet because the show centered around the magical land of hyrule, the evil Ganon, and the powerful tri-force, the church saw it as just as evil as the game. You might remember an earlier Satanic Sunday post about my mother burning my copy of the game, it can be found here.
1.) He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Magic, sorcery, demons, enchanters, evil galore, this show was completely banned in mine and many others households. He-man was said to use dark magic to power himself in an effort to fight the even darker magic of Skeletor. I remember being told so many times that this show was evil that I was actually fearful to watch the show, thinking I might become possessed if I even viewed a single episode. I would hear the theme music and instantly turn the tv off, panting hard from the fear that I almost unwittingly worshiped the devil. Since that time I have gone back and watched the show, it’s completely benign, absolutely nothing that I was told about it was true and yet I still approached it with trepidation upon my first viewing.
There are many other shows that I could have spoken about. This was not meant to be an exhaustive list but simply a way of showing just how superstitious parents were during the 1980’s Satanic scare. If you have others that you feel I should have mentioned, please respond with them in the comments section below. Thank you for reading!