Fiction and Stories

Could You Be Neurotypical???

Just thought I’d create a list of some of the traits that people with neurotypicalism exhibit. It’s all satire so just have fun with it.
No one is sure what causes neurotypicalism. Doctors and scientists have long speculated on the cause of this dreaded condition. Some speculate it might be caused by vaccines, fluoride, or maybe their fathers wore too much cologne. While there is no cure for neurotypicalism, here is a list of 10 symptoms that might help you figure out if you or a loved one was born with this disorder.

1.) Extreme fear of silence

The neurotypical person will attempt by any means necessary to eradicate silence. It’s absolutely horrific to them. So realize, the next time an NT asks about the weather, it’s really a cry for help.

2.) Obsessed with doing things differently

“If it ain’t broke, why fix it” is not something an NT can accept. They constantly need new places to hang out, new foods to try, and new friends. Ask any NT about their day and it will be different from the day before.

3.) Eye Contact Issues

Many NT’s are incapable of conversation without seeing the other person’s eyes. This of course stems from fear that they will be attacked while talking about the weather. Not looking them in the eyes brings about fear, confusion, and sometimes anger.

4.) Constant need to be stylish

NTs will wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes in an effort to be stylish. They will then say something to the effect of, “these shoes were 300 dollars, I’m going to wear them no matter how bad they hurt.”

5.) NT’s are very fragile creatures

Without the strength that Autism gives us, NT’s spend much of their time asking for compliments and niceties. It’s been known that if an NT holds a door open and you forget to thank them for it, the NT will shrivel up and die. So try to say thank you.

6.) NT’s smell awful

They disguise this by wearing horrible overpowering perfumes and colognes. They will also stand as close to you as possible to make sure you know that they no longer stink.

7.) Deep Fear of Honesty

Warning: If an NT ever asks you for your honest opinion, turn around and run away. This is a trap they lay for truth tellers, step in and you may not step back out.

8.) Violent Creatures

Look at any game developed by an NT and you will find folks trying to hurt each other. Football, Baseball, wrestling, basketball, etc… Their deep need for violence also leads them take risks that no sane Autistic person would.

9.) Never Satisfied

NT’s will never be satisfied with a focused interest. They must have more cars, bigger houses, more friends. This collecting of meaningless trinkets only ends when the NT passes away.

10.) Unhealthy need to touch everything and move stuff

Know an NT long enough and they will touch everything you own, including you. They will take things off shelves and ask, Wouldn’t this look better here? Of course it wouldn’t but this won’t stop them from trying.
If you or a friend you know exhibit these traits, it could be Neurotypicalism. Consult with you yoga instructor or anyone you meet on the street. Neurotypicalism isn’t contagious but everyone will act like it is. Thank you for reading. A person with neurotypicalism can lead a fulfilling life, life is not over at diagnosis, it’s only a new beginning.

The Diary Of My Mind

Why Am I An Autistic Person?

So this post isn’t about my symptoms, it isn’t about my diagnosis, or what anyone thinks of me. What this post is about is how I choose to describe myself. I am not a person with Autism, I am an Autistic Person.

So this might piss some people off and I really don’t care. The post I wrote yesterday about discouragement was due to being banned from a Facebook group, one that had nothing to do with autism, because I had referred to myself as an Autistic person. The admin of the group stated that I was being offensive and using a type of hate speech against members of the autism community. Now I won’t mention the group or the name of the person who told me this but it really bothered me.

It is my personal opinion, but saying “person with Autism,” means that one day I might be a “person without autism.” This is of course never going to happen. Autism is a lot of what makes me who I am. I wouldn’t change it and I am “happy” to understand myself better now knowing exactly what makes me different. I’m no less of a person because I am autistic, I am however better understanding myself now. So if it hurts your feelings that I call myself an autistic person, piss off…

It also seems to me that when someone says, “person with autism,” they are adding a bit of shame to the term. I’ve heard people say, I don’t want my child limited by the label? Well, I’ve got two bachelors degrees and one day will complete my masters, I have an awesome job, and a pretty damn good life. If my life has been limited by my autism it had been in ways that don’t really matter much to me.

Now, if you want to call your son, your daughter, or yourself, a “person with autism,” that’s fine with me. I wouldn’t attempt to force something on you that you wouldn’t want. I simply expect the same respect in how I choose to label myself.

An Aspie In Iowa

An Aspie In Iowa #2: Stimming and Eye Contact

For last weeks article, click here.

1.) Stimming

This weeks article will address stimming but not specifically what it is. If you are interested in finding out more you can find information on stimming here.

So as a brief synopsis of what Stimming is, it’s repetitive motions or sounds that folks on the spectrum do that can appear as odd or annoying to the outside world. However to people like myself, they are therapeutic, calming, they can also help us focus on and process the information that we are taking in.

When i was a child I would constantly tap on my desk, stand up and spin, rock back and forth as well as flap my hands. All of these things were considered distractions and incredibly frowned on when I was in school. I can remember several times when a teacher might say something along the lines of, “We will continue with the lesson once Matthew sits down and is quiet.” Not being able to continue the lesson meant that recess might be delayed or eliminated altogether. This led to mob justice in the form of my peers and even more bullying than I already experienced.

So through time I forced myself to stop stimming outside of wiggling my toes in my shoes. I would learn later in life that this wasn’t enough and I was actually causing myself a lot of mental harm by not calming and processing in the way that my mind wanted me to. Nothing was more apparent than my hands.

For as long as I can remember my hands have shaken horribly. I’ve actually been checked for Parkinson’s in the past and it was one of the first things that people would point out and question when they met me. The more stressed I would become the worse my hands would shake. It was horribly annoying to me because as the shaking would worsen my ability to type would become nearly impossible, being an accountant, typing is something I have to be able to do.

When I began researching Autism, I came across an article dealing with stimming. It reminded me of all the things I did as a child to calm myself down. So I decided to  do a simple experiment. The next time I noticed the shaking in my hands begin to worsen, I got up from my desk at work, walked to the bathroom, locked the door and flapped them to my heart’s content. The result was immediate. The second I began flapping the shaking began to subside. After a few moments, my hands were as still as anyone else’s. Stimming fixed an issue that I had just lived with and had accepted as incurable for nearly 25 years. Now, anytime they begin to shake a bit, I stim and the shaking goes away.

Some of the other ways that I stim is through certain words. I really don’t know how this works so if someone in the comments could explain it, I would be greatly appreciative. Saying certain words or making certain sounds has a great calming effect on me. One such word is “panda.” I’m a large, 6 foot 2 inch man, with a beard, but if I get stressed and you get close to me, you might hear me repeating the word panda under my breath. I also sometimes get this feeling that I have to say a word or make a noise, when I explained it to my psychiatrist she thought I might be talking about tourettes but eventually that was not a part of my diagnosis.  One of the main noises that i make is a slight clicking noise in the back of my throat. I do this when I am really interested or focused on something.

Other ways I stim is through sensory information. When I am stressed, I love the feel of metal on my face. I have a metal stapler at work that I will press to my cheek if I am really stressed out. I also constantly crack my knuckles, run my fingers through my hair and tap on stuff. Each one of these things helps me in a certain way.

So to parents, please don’t force your children to not stim. If their stimming is something dangerous, such as self biting or hitting, or is interfering with their ability to focus on school work or anything like that, maybe suggest some alternate forms of stimming. Please don’t force them to stop stimming altogether. If they are like me and high enough functioning to do that, it can lead to even more issues with their mental health and even physical symptoms.

2.) Eye Contact

Eye Contact for me is incredibly difficult. I describe it as if I am having the noise of fingernails on chalkboard going through my brain when I am making eye contact. Over time I’ve learned to look at foreheads and teeth in an effort to avoid eye contact and this works for the most part.

However eye contact still bothers me and it’s more in the way that it is seen as normal for the rest of the world. Why is eye contact even seen as a good thing. Look at our primate cousins, eye contact is a sign of agression and something that you avoid unless you are attempting to challenge someone in the group for a higher position. Watch some chimpanzees or gorillas interact and one will be looking down while the more powerful one is standing over. They don’t like eye contact yet we do.

The second thing that makes this so strange is that we are taught not to stare from the earliest age. Staring is considered rude and invasive, but When in a conversation you are supposed to stare at the person directly in the eyes. How does that make any fucking sense?

Here’s the deal, if you are having a conversation with me and you force me to make eye contact, then I won’t be paying attention to anything that is coming out of your mouth. The only thought that will be running through my mind will be, “When is this going to be over, I’m uncomfortable, I want to look away, I hate this!” If you want me to do something correctly, allow me to look away while you speak. I will hear you far better, process what you are saying far better, and get the task done far better if I am just allowed to be myself.

Anyway, i hope you’ve enjoyed this article. Thank you for reading.