Fiction and Stories

Could You Be Neurotypical???

Just thought I’d create a list of some of the traits that people with neurotypicalism exhibit. It’s all satire so just have fun with it.
No one is sure what causes neurotypicalism. Doctors and scientists have long speculated on the cause of this dreaded condition. Some speculate it might be caused by vaccines, fluoride, or maybe their fathers wore too much cologne. While there is no cure for neurotypicalism, here is a list of 10 symptoms that might help you figure out if you or a loved one was born with this disorder.

1.) Extreme fear of silence

The neurotypical person will attempt by any means necessary to eradicate silence. It’s absolutely horrific to them. So realize, the next time an NT asks about the weather, it’s really a cry for help.

2.) Obsessed with doing things differently

“If it ain’t broke, why fix it” is not something an NT can accept. They constantly need new places to hang out, new foods to try, and new friends. Ask any NT about their day and it will be different from the day before.

3.) Eye Contact Issues

Many NT’s are incapable of conversation without seeing the other person’s eyes. This of course stems from fear that they will be attacked while talking about the weather. Not looking them in the eyes brings about fear, confusion, and sometimes anger.

4.) Constant need to be stylish

NTs will wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes in an effort to be stylish. They will then say something to the effect of, “these shoes were 300 dollars, I’m going to wear them no matter how bad they hurt.”

5.) NT’s are very fragile creatures

Without the strength that Autism gives us, NT’s spend much of their time asking for compliments and niceties. It’s been known that if an NT holds a door open and you forget to thank them for it, the NT will shrivel up and die. So try to say thank you.

6.) NT’s smell awful

They disguise this by wearing horrible overpowering perfumes and colognes. They will also stand as close to you as possible to make sure you know that they no longer stink.

7.) Deep Fear of Honesty

Warning: If an NT ever asks you for your honest opinion, turn around and run away. This is a trap they lay for truth tellers, step in and you may not step back out.

8.) Violent Creatures

Look at any game developed by an NT and you will find folks trying to hurt each other. Football, Baseball, wrestling, basketball, etc… Their deep need for violence also leads them take risks that no sane Autistic person would.

9.) Never Satisfied

NT’s will never be satisfied with a focused interest. They must have more cars, bigger houses, more friends. This collecting of meaningless trinkets only ends when the NT passes away.

10.) Unhealthy need to touch everything and move stuff

Know an NT long enough and they will touch everything you own, including you. They will take things off shelves and ask, Wouldn’t this look better here? Of course it wouldn’t but this won’t stop them from trying.
If you or a friend you know exhibit these traits, it could be Neurotypicalism. Consult with you yoga instructor or anyone you meet on the street. Neurotypicalism isn’t contagious but everyone will act like it is. Thank you for reading. A person with neurotypicalism can lead a fulfilling life, life is not over at diagnosis, it’s only a new beginning.

6 thoughts on “Could You Be Neurotypical???

  1. As a person afflicted with NT, I often reflect on the irony of my husband’s neural wiring configuration (AS) being referred to disadvantaged when, really, it seems like mine fits the dis-ease model more accurately. Thanks for sharing your rationally brave perspective in such a creative, NT-accessible format!

    Liked by 1 person

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