BS News · Uncategorized

BS New #1: Bringing Back the BS

Those that know me personally may remember when I used to run a satirical news group on Facebook. Back then I would try to do  quick write-up of the day’s top stories along with some simple silliness to help pass the time. I thought it might be fun to bring the satire back in a new article for this blog. I’m not sure how often I will do this article but I hope you enjoy it.

So without further ado, I present to you a year of bullshit.


 

2017 began like many years after an election, depressingly somber.  The Republicans were happy to have won the presidential election and it only took selling out any value they once pretended to have. The Democrats were upset that their candidate had lost and would spend the next several months angry at anything that looked like a third-party voter or a Bernie Sanders supporter.

Hillary Clinton spent the first half of the year lost in the woods. With only a handful of selfies to prove she still existed.

Donald Trump came to power with a bang and had the largest inauguration audience in the history of the world. This is of course if you believe that every person in the audience was actually several toddlers standing upon each others shoulders.

A temporary ban of Muslims from Seven Arab countries was initiated, then struck down, then reinstated, then struck down again only to be reinitiated and struck down once more. Finally after many months the Trump administration was successful in banning a single telemarketer names Akbar from phoning the White House during dinner time. Trump is quoted as saying this is a “victory for all Americans and is bigger than anything Washington or Franklin ever did during their times as President.”

With all the talk of fake news during and after the election, journalistic integrity was of the utmost importance to most Americans, so much so that CNN toyed with the idea of presenting an actual news program.

The world was shocked to find that everyone you have ever known in the media, TV, movies, or tide commercials was in fact a rapist.

The Russian scandal continued when in an interview the president admitted to trying Putin’s cock but that he definitely did not inhale.

The Jews and Palestinians continued to argue over who their daddy loves best.

Alabama voters fought hard over whether or not pedophilia was OK, in a narrow victory it was decided that it was not.

Nearly all Americans will receive a tax cut with the new republican tax plan. Of course in 2027 this cut will reverse and become an increase, plus if you feed the new tax plan after midnight it might end up killing your grandmother.

Your drunk uncle is almost positive that he has found Hillary Clinton’s missing e-mails after he spoke with a gay frog that was busy building the border wall.

Lastly, many Americans will enter 2018 horrified to find new election commercials plaguing their TV.  The good news is that according to one such we can now say Merry Christmas any time we want. We can also say go fuck yourself to anyone who thought we couldn’t do this in the past.

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