Wednesday Woo

Wednesday Woo: Christian Woo: Faith Healers

Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike. Tonight you are going to be “treated” to another edition of Wednesday Woo: Christian Woo. My wife has been taking care of our sick daughter all week and is exhausted to say the least. So I’m stepping in again for this weeks article.

Faith healing is nothing new to Christianity or religion in general. However the role of the faith healer has taken on a completely new life with the advent of mass media. Television has allowed faith healers to put their act out there and gain an incredibly wide audience and since all of this stuff is televised, it can’t possibly be fake, right?

Let’s take a look at some of these healers…

Benny Hinn

Peter Popoff

Pat Robertson

Okay, that’s enough videos. Needless to say these men obviously have an otherworldly power that allows them to cure the blind, make the lame walk, and make lots of people fall down. Yet, each and every one of these people are nothing more than con artists, given a wide audience willing to drop hundreds of dollars for the chance of being healed.

It’s sad but I once believed in faith healing to an extent. The bible even lists it as one of the gifts of the spirit in 1 Corinthians 12.

“To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;” 1 Cor 12:9

Now, I say I believed in it to an extent because I never believed that Benny Hinn had any kind of power. I remember watching one of his videos as a small child and thinking, “this is like pro-wrestling, these people are not really being healed, it’s all one big act.” I asked my mother, why he didn’t just heal everyone? However, I did believe that healing was something that Christians with enough faith could do.

When I entered the ministry, I had no interest in any kind of faith healing career. Yet, I would pray over people during church services and they would claim to feel power surging through them and were healed of countless issues. None of these healings were real, and often times you had to jump through hoops to even see them as something that could require healing.

A few of my miraculous healings…

  • I cured my aunt of breast cancer, she actually had a lump removed and it wasn’t cancerous, it was benign.
  • I cured my great-aunt of colon cancer, except it wasn’t healed and about a year later she had to have a huge mass removed from her intestines.
  • I made a lame man run…..countless times….the same guy. We had a guy who would hobble in, request prayer, I’d pray and he would then run around the building. He actually just had severe arthritis and the placebo affect allowed him to run.
  • I cured a woman of her cataracts….except she had to have them removed a few months later.
  • I have cured peoples money problems
  • Healed families
  • and a plethora of other things

I want to point out that in my case, I never sought people out or claimed that I had any healing gift. In fact if you would ask me, I would claim that I knew i didn’t have the gift of healing…if I did do you think I’d walk around with severe arthritis and a wonky eye?

Anyway, I began to really question faith healing the more people claimed that I had healed them of things that I knew they were not healed from. I realized that faith healing is really nothing more than a bad placebo affect, I say bad because the placebo affect actually works. People would come forward for prayer, usually at the end of a euphoric service, they feel really good and so they imagine that their ailments are better or completely cured. Later when the euphoria wears off, the healing is gone as well.

Faith healing works in the mind of the believer, who seeks out someone to heal them. However, faith healers take advantage of this and seek these people out, putting on huge events and gathering in millions of dollars. These folks still go home and the healing wears off, their finances are harmed, and when they ask why the healing didn’t last it will be thrown back at them that they didn’t have enough faith.

The real reason though is that these people have absolutely no power whatsoever. They are charlatans and go around selling snake oil to anyone willing to buy it.

James Randi built a career debunking these scam artists with the most famous being his expose of Peter Popoff.

Dateline exposed Benny Hinn

Pat Robertson was exposed by a former producer of the 700 club.

Although one could argue that Pat Robertson was exposed when he claimed that god told him to run for president and that he would win…

Each and every time one of these people come forward and are debunked, their ministry takes a short hit and yet a few years later they are back at it once again. Peter Popoff still sells his miracle oil, Hinn still knocks people over, and Robertson continues to claim healings each and every day. How do these people continue coming back after being exposed?

Sadly, it’s simply due to the fact that their followers want to believe they are real and so they will deny any evidence against that idea. They believe in these healers because they want to believe that faith healing is possible. They grasp at any idea in which they might be cured of whatever ailment they suffer from. Unfortunately, in many cases, they will continue these beliefs until they are bankrupt or dead.

Faith healers are nothing but bullshit artists that rob from the weakest members of our society. It’s sad, it’s disgusting, but it’s something that isn’t going to go away anytime soon…

If I’m lying, then I pray that one of these healers has enough faith to call down the wrath of their god and strike me dead at this very instant!

 

Well….

 

I’m still alive…

Bad Theism

Bad Theism: Angels

Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike. As always, if you’d like to read the last Bad Theism article, click here: Bad Theism: The God of the Book Deal. Tonight we are going to talk about the helpers of god, the Angels.

First, I want to give credit where credit is due, I owe the idea for tonight’s article to Saint Brian the Godless who tweeted today.

BrianSo thank you Saint Brian!

Anyway, let’s get right down to it.

Angels, if we are to believe the bible are a race of beings that god created to serve him. Angels are kinda like the beta version of man. In the bible angels can come in many shapes and forms, however they seem to have a handful of purposes.

  1. Worship God
  2. Kill Kids
  3. Control the wind
  4. Act as messengers

Anyway, what separates Angels from man is that they lack free-will and since they are immaterial they have no need for a soul. Now, like many other things that Christians believe, there is actually not all that much in the bible to back up these claims, however these are fairly well accepted since they make things easier to understand. Without the idea that angels lack free-will they could have another fall at any point and create absolute chaos.

homer

Now, remember, Lucifer supposedly rebelled against god and was cursed to one day spend an eternity in hell. As the saint above questioned, how could something without free-will rebel? They couldn’t, it’s not a possibility and makes absolutely no sense. If Lucifer was created, along with the other angels, with the sole purpose of serving god then there is no way that a being like that could choose to rebel.

But lets look at this from a couple of other directions.

stupid-god_o_428781

How bad of a creator is god? He created two races of sentient beings and both turn against him? This would be like if every version of the Windows operating system tried to kill Bill Gates.  Imagine if an inventor built two separate inventions, a hair straightener and a curling iron. Now imagine if the straightener decided to curl hair and the curling iron decided to murder puppies. That inventor would find himself on the street, to forever be the laughing stock of other inventors whose inventions actually do what they were built to do. Yet, for some strange reason, god gets a pass even though he absolutely sucks at creating sentient beings that do what they are meant to do.

shrugged

The second point that I’d like to make is what is the purpose of angels existing at all? Is god omnipotent? Is god omniscient? Is god omnipresent? The vast majority of Christians would answer yes to all three of these questions and yet if the answer is yes then the existence of angels is unnecessary and would actually point to a malevolent god if one were to exist.

Why do I say this?

SpGFuqr

Omnipotent

If god is omnipotent, or all-powerful, then he would be fully capable of doing all that needs done in the universe without the need for helpers. He could control the winds, keep the planet spinning, keep the sun shining, do absolutely everything that needs done and still not be winded in the slightest degree. Omnipotent means that god cannot get tired,  he would literally be a being of perpetual motion.

omniscient

Omniscient

If god is omniscient, or all-knowing, then he would have no need to have angels watching over mankind. As he would know exactly what was going to happen before it happened and if needed he could swoop in and fix any issue that might occur. This is especially true if god is omnipotent and omnipresent as well. Angels are unneeded in this scenario because god already knows all.

googlemaps

Omnipresent

If God is omnipresent, or everywhere, then he would have no need for angels because he already exists everywhere. If someone needed told anything, god’s already there so he can do the talking himself. If a sports team needs a boost he would already be there to get them into the endzone. If a child was dying of cancer, he would already be there to watch as the child’s life slips away from it because god simply loves dying kids.

malevolence.jpg

Malevolence

Why do I say that if angels exist then god is malevolent? Well, this is simply due to the fact that he created an unnecessary slave class for the sole purpose of being an unnecessary slave class. An all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present being that still chooses to create not one but two classes of people for the purpose of worshipping and serving him is malevolent.


tenor

It doesn’t take much thinking to realize that angels are completely illogical. What’s more is angels in Abrahamic and other monotheistic religions in the area, simply play the part that lesser gods play in polytheistic faiths.  Instead of Apollo, Aphrodite, and Hades, as in the greek polytheism, Christianity instead has Michael, Gabriel, and Satan. Now, my own opinion is that humans, for the most part, are fairly skeptical to begin with. So perhaps, when the monotheistic faiths were springing up there were certain people who were saying…”Nope, not going to buy it, no way there is a single being that can do everything, know everything, and be everywhere.” So in order to get these people to accept their faith, angels were thrown into the mix. Now, the monotheists could still say that their god was all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-present, but he chose to use angels in order to do his dirty work.

Angels also play an easy scapegoat in regards to evil existing in the world. Evil isn’t gods fault, it’s due to the bad angels. This world would be perfect if it wasn’t for that evil angel that told Eve to eat the fruit, and bring the curse upon the world. See…easy peasy lemon squeezy. Everything now makes perfect sense and god is off the hook for evil existing even before man chose to sin.

Except it doesn’t…

So let me explain why….

bubble-rock-acadia-national-park-maine-x.jpg

Who started the ball rolling?

Let’s imagine you were standing on top of a mountain beside a giant boulder. You shove the boulder and as it rolls down the mountain it destroys property, damages roads, and kills several people. Now who would be at fault in this scenario? What court in the world would allow you to defend yourself by saying that even though you pushed the boulder, you weren’t at fault for what the boulder did after you pushed it.

Now as humans we may have a slight excuse, being able to say you didn’t know exactly what would happen when you pushed the boulder. It would be a shitty excuse but still an excuse. God doesn’t get to use that excuse though. If god is omniscient it means that he has never done anything without knowing exactly the eventual result of his reaction.

This means that god created angels knowing that they would rebel and then create man knowing the exact same thing would occur.

So either angels do not exist which would negate much of the bible and meaning that god is the origin of both all the good as well as all the evil in the world.

or

God does exist and is malevolent, negligent, irresponsible, and just plain stupid.

 

Deep Thoughts · The Diary Of My Mind

Deep Thoughts: Gender and Sexuality

Tonight’s featured image is from the University of California, Santa Barbara.

Good evening Heathens and Hell-Bound friends and foes alike! If you’d like to read the last article of this series, click here: Deep Thoughts: Apophenia and Pareidolia. Tonight I figured I’d take it easy and touch on something that there is little to no conflict about, Gender.

So let me talk a little bit about myself, I’m 34 years old, married to the most wonderful woman on earth and I couldn’t possibly be happier. However that wasn’t always the case. I used to be a fairly hateful and bigoted person, or let’s be clear, my religion taught me to be hateful and bigoted, so that’s how I acted outwardly. I’m pretty ashamed about this part of my life because it is the complete other end of the spectrum that I find myself in now.

One of the big issues of the day is how we view gender and sexuality. When I was a minister I taught that homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgendered people were sinful and rebelling against god. The bible is actually pretty clear on the subject of homosexuality and being a fundamentalist we followed it closely. No, I wasn’t as bad as the Westboro Baptist church but I definitely held bigoted views towards members of LGBTQ community.

Now, let’s delve a bit deeper. I am not the stereotypical manly person…

  • I hate loud engines
  • I cannot stand working on my vehicle.
  • I didn’t spend my teenage years in the endless search to get laid.
  • I have no handyman skills.
  • I like musicals.
  • My wife routinely has to open pickle jars for me and I don’t even feel bad about it.

Now, over the years I’ve had numerous people accuse me of being gay. So much so that at one point in my life I really did question my own sexuality. It was a rough period of my life and not a time that I think of fondly, I was incredibly depressed and my life sucked in most respects. So I questioned my sexuality. The conclusion that I came to is that I’m straight and do you know how I came to that conclusion? I’m not sexually attracted to dicks….dicks are in no way attractive to me…

I realized, sexuality is all about attraction, that might seem strange but for someone who was called gay all the time growing up it was a pretty astounding realization. However, understanding my sexuality doesn’t really describe my gender very well. Biologically I’m a male, I have a penis. Mentally I do not enjoy almost anything that any other male around me enjoys. For the most part, the things that “manly men” enjoy I find incredibly asinine and entirely not enjoyable.

When I was diagnosed with Autism and it was explained to me what the spectrum was and how two people can be on the spectrum but display entirely different symptoms something clicked. I realized and understood not only the autism spectrum but the gender spectrum as well. Two people can be born with the same sexual organs but be on entirely different ends of the spectrum when it comes to gender.

I want to give credit to Anti-Ordinary from YouTube for providing the following graphic on one of her videos.

genderbread-person-3.png

The following is how I understand these things to mean. Please don’t take this as an authoritative take, this is simply my understanding of the subject at this point. If I am wrong, I have no problem admitting it.

Biological Sex

Biological sex is fairly simple to understand, it’s what’s between your legs. Though some are born without a clear biological sex, most of us can be said to be biologically a boy or biologically a girl. I don’t think I need to touch on this very much, it seems pretty simple to me.

I am biologically a male.

Identity

This is what people identify as – male, female, or androgynous. This has to do with how you view yourself. Some people born biologically male, identify as female. Some people born biologically female, identify as male. Still others who are born with either sex might not really identify as male or female. Note, this does not have anything to do with who you are attracted to, that might be a bit hard to understand but we’ll get to that later.

I identify as male but mostly androgynous.

Expression

Expression is how someone portrays them self to the world. A biological male can express them self as a female, in the way they dress, talk, or act. A biological female can express them self as a male in the way they dress talk or act. Once again both biological sexes can portray them self as androgynous portraying neither male or female characteristics to the world.

I express myself as male.

Sexual Attraction

Sexual Attraction is of course who you are attracted towards sexually. This is who you want to fuck. Remember back when I said that identity had nothing to do with attraction, well this is where we are going to explain that. A biological male who identifies and expresses them self as a female could still be completely attracted to only females. Some people are not attracted to the biological gender and might not be attracted to anyone. Many, but definitely not all, autistic people find themselves as nonsexual and have no attraction towards either sex or sex in general.

I am sexually attracted to females.

Romantic Attraction

Romantic Attraction is who you want to find yourself romantically entangled with. usually your romantic attraction and sexual attraction are fairly similar though this is not always the case. Someone might have a sexual attraction for both men and women but only want to be romantically with a woman. Other people may be romantically attracted to intelligence and can only see them self in a relationship with someone intelligent but they might not have a problem with a sexual encounter with someone of sub par intelligence.

I am romantically attracted to a brilliant woman who happens to be my wife.

So below I give you the same graphic with black dots where I find myself.

where am i


Now I’d like to talk a little bit about how my views have changed. Once I took god out of the equation and began to look at people outside the lens of my own particular doctrine, I found that I could no longer hate people of different orientations than my own. It no longer made sense for me to continue with the same mindset when I no longer believed in the faith that had forced me into that mental state to begin with. Remove the faith and you remove the hate, I don’t say this from just my own perspective, I’ve known hundreds of people who have expressed these exact same sentiments.

Lastly, I feel a deep sense of regret. I regret that I promoted an ideology of hatred for nearly a decade. I regret every sermon that I ever gave on the subject of sexuality and gender. I have personally sought forgiveness from people who I know that I hurt when I used to express these views. I’ve not always been a good person. I realize that and I try my best to no longer be anything like the person I once was.

What has been wonderful is the amount of understanding that I have received from those I once looked upon with disdain. I can’t think of a single person who has refused to accept my apology or who hasn’t understood the deep indoctrination that I had been through. I have gained a lot of friends who at one time I never would have had because my faith was preventing me from seeing them as human beings like myself. This is the disgusting nature of religious faith, it is fed to children from the moment they are born that it’s god’s way or the highway to hell. That type of mindset does not allow growth, it doesn’t allow anything to challenge its assumptions, and it breeds even deeper hatred the longer you are a part of the faith.

Religion poisoned my view of other human beings and for that I agree with Hitchens when he said, “Religion poisons everything.”

Bad Theism · Inoculation Against Indoctrination

Inoculation Against Indoctrination: Atheists?

For the last post in this series, click here: Inoculation Against Indoctrination: Ages 0-3: Sights and Sounds.

So I started this series with a basic idea to describe how religious faiths indoctrinate people into their beliefs. However, the very first comment that I received on this through my twitter account was: “Are atheists indoctrinated as well as theists?” So, obviously we need to touch on this idea a bit before moving on to any other age groups.

indoctrination

First let’s look at the definition of indoctrination.

Indoctrination – Noun

-the process of teaching a person or group to accept a set of beliefs uncritically.

So with that said can Atheists indoctrinate their children? The answer is of course yes, they could indoctrinate their children and probably some do, but I don’t see it as being as large of an issue as it is with religious faiths. In this article I will try to explain why?

First off, why would an atheist feel the need to indoctrinate their child? For example, when my daughter comes to me with a question, I don’t simply make things up, or go with what I have been told about something. If it’s something I am unsure of, the answer is as easy as, “I don’t know but let’s find out.” For the most part I try to raise my daughter to think critically, and to come to these answers on her own.

If she asks me what I believe about something I will be more than willing to tell her my own personal views on a topic and show her evidence to support those views, but I am not in the business of telling her this is how things are because I say this is how things are. Perhaps she will be religious when she grows older, so far she doesn’t show much interest in faith but there have been times that she has asked why we don’t go to church?

Her life is her life to live, it’s not my life. She is free to be an atheist, be religious, spiritual, gay, trans, straight, asexual, bisexual, her life choices are really none of my business as long as she isn’t hurting anyone or being hurt herself. My job is to keep her alive, make sure she gets an education, feed and cloth her, and then send her into the world with the tools that she will need in order to survive.

critical thinking

I’ve already touched on it, but the second reason that I don’t think atheists indoctrinate their children to the degree that theists do, that being critical thinking. I teach her to question what she is told, if she thinks what I said doesn’t quite make sense I always encourage her to look it up for herself. We had a discussion about evolution the other day and she wasn’t quite getting the connection between apes and humans, as best as I tried to answer her questions it just wasn’t quite enough. A few minutes doing her own research and she was able to claim for herself that she now knows why humans are considered apes.

Religions for the most part are fairly lacking in the area of critical thinking. My entire blog is devoted to exposing these illogical and irrational mindsets. God said it and so I believe it is the epitome of non-critical thought. If god said it why did he say it, and how do we know which god said it or if this god that supposedly said something even exists. Critical thinking leads you to asking these questions and many more.

As I stated before, my daughter is her own person. I’m not trying to shape her into anything or make her conform to any mindset. Sometimes I will agree with the choices that she makes and other times I will disagree. I made a lot of mistakes growing up and I’m sure she will make plenty of mistakes as well. It’s a part of life and one that it will be her responsibility to sort out.

Evolution

Lastly, lets talk about the fact that I was indoctrinated into religion. I was taught chapter and verse every single day of my life for nearly 20 years and then I followed the faith for another 10 years after that. No one indoctrinated me into atheism, I came to atheism when I began to think critically about my own beliefs and try to make sense of them in a world where they do not make sense.

  • Why did god have to die so that god could forgive us from god?
  • Why do creationists fight science so much?
  • Why is there absolutely no evidence of a global flood?
  • Why is there no evidence of an exodus?
  • How could Adam and Eve understand the concept of sin if they hadn’t ate the fruit yet?
  • Why is the evidence for Jesus so scarce outside the gospels?
  • Why did the gospel writers wait decades before writing anything down?

Once I started looking at these ideas in a truly critical way, they completely fell apart and I was left with the choice of continuing to pretend being a believer or simply accept the fact that I no longer had a belief in god.

My story is actually pretty common, the number of people born to atheist families is fairly low compared to those who become atheists at a later date.  This makes sense due to the fact that atheists make up a fairly small portion of the general populace. We aren’t indoctrinated, we freed ourselves from the chains of indoctrination.

So when you say that atheism is simply another form of indoctrination, you are really no better than stating that the act of being free from slavery is equitable to still being a slave. My mind is free, I have no belief in god. I might have people I enjoy listening to, reading their books, or watching their videos, but I do not worship these people, I don’t base my life on the religion of Dawkins, the philosophy of Hitchens, or the creeds of Harris. I am my own person who looks at the evidence and come to my own conclusions.

Satanic Sundays

Satanic Sunday: Final Fantasy

Good morning heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike! Today marks another edition of Satanic Sunday, if you’d like to read the last Satanic Sunday, click here:Satanic Sunday #9: Muppets, Bowie, and Aslan. Also this article will hearken back to the first Satanic Sunday post, Satanic Sunday #1: The Legend of Zelda. As you know by now, this article is about things that were considered Satanic while growing up in a fundamentalist household, they might be things my parents actually considered Satanic or just things that the church or society in general deemed as such. Enjoy!


Growing up in the 80’s, you had to have an NES in order to be included in the social structure of the time. Sure, some kids were unlucky enough to have parents that bought them the Sega Master System instead, but the rest of us had our Nintendo’s. Those Sega Master kids I’m sure have endured countless hours of therapy due to their lack of social life as a child…who did they trade and borrow games from as a child? So sad…

Anyway, the NES was pretty damn cool and for good reason, I mean look at these graphics!

Anyway, as I stated in the blog about the Legend of Zelda, my parents were very selective in what games my brother and I were allowed to play.  Anything involving magic was completely forbidden and so there were a lot of great games that I wasn’t allowed to enjoy as a child. A strange one being Mega Man, not sure what the reasoning was on this but he was considered evil as well.

“It might seem a bit silly, but for the time this story was EPIC!”

Anyway, Final Fantasy is a role-playing series of games that have existed from the dawn of time, well the dawn of my time that is.  The first game followed the journey of the Four Warriors of Light, who are seeking to restore four orbs of light that have been darkened by the evil Chaos. It might seem a bit silly, but for the time this story was EPIC! The game allowed you to fight evil with good magic and so of course it was considered evil.

I’ve included a gameplay video below so you can see just how awesome these spells looked…I mean who wouldn’t want to play this game?

Well, if you read my post about the Legend of Zelda you will know that my cousin gave me a huge collection of NES games and that one day my mother destroyed any game that even might contain the slightest amount of magic. Included in these titles was a copy of Final Fantasy.

muppet adventure
Sadly, there would be no #2. Since this game was shit…

What my mother didn’t know is that shortly after this incident I worked out a deal with a friend of mine for another copy of the game. I gave up a copy of the Muppet Adventure, TMNT 1, and Bomberman for Final Fantasy, when I look back I’m still pretty proud of that trade. My friend definitely ended up on the bad side of the trade.

So now that I had another copy, I had to keep it safe. So while some kids might have concealed a porno mag or cigarettes, I had my copy of Final Fantasy stowed away securely in the garage. This was a great hiding spot and it never was found by my parents. Unfortunately I never had the courage to actually get the game out of its hiding spot and actually play it. I mean my mother had burned my games in the past, who knows what she would do if she found that I had gone against her wishes and procured one of the games again. So there it sat, in my garage, hidden away from my parents, and my fear prevented me from ever playing it.

Well, we moved away from that house and, for all I know, my copy of Final Fantasy remained tucked away in the corner of the garage long after we had moved. Recently that garage has been torn down and so I can only hope that someone found this gem, wrapped in plastic, and got some good use from it…if not it more than likely ended up being burned along with the rest of the garage after they tore it down. Such a sad fate for an incredibly game.

nes_final_fantasy

Well, the years passed and I stopped caring what my mother thought of the games that I played, sometimes she would cry if she thought we were playing something evil but she never did burn any of our games again. I grew up, have a family of my own now and much less time for gaming. I had honestly forgotten about this game until one day, in a used game store, I saw a copy and decided to pick it up. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my wallet so I made the journey home to grab my greenbacks.

I walked into the game store, and slammed down my money…sadly, looking in the display case I realized that the copy of the game had been purchased within the 15 minutes that it took for me to run home and grab my wallet.

I seethed in anger, this game had been stolen from me again. What diabolical force of chaos had swooped in and purchased this title? Would I need to gather three friends and go on a search for the game? Well…no…because when I got home and jumped on Facebook the identity of the culprit was made known to all.

It was my brother…

of course.gif

 

Well, another year went by and I had almost forgotten about the anger that I felt for my brother and the sadness that I experienced over this game that the universe seemed to be keeping me from playing. Christmas came and my brother handed me a gift, I opened it to find a collection of NES games, including the game that have evaded me for so long, Final Fantasy.

final fantasy.jpgThe game is great and it’s honestly sad that people actually found anything evil about the game. The graphics are good but good for the time, the most you learn about spells is that they are done by going through a menu and clicking a button on your controller. It’s a fun game but there is nothing about the game that could ever actually lead a person to evil or dark magic. It’s a good game, I’m glad to have it in my collection, but it is definitely not satanic at all.

Bad Theism

Bad Theism: The God of the Book Deal

Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike! For the last Bad theism article, click here: Bad Theism: Finely Tuned Bull****. Now, if you’ve spent any time on my blog you will know that I take it to the bible quite a bit. It’s a book filled with genocide, slavery, tape, misogyny, homophobia, and all sorts of other awful stuff. Well, tonight I am not going to beat up on the scriptures at all…that’s because tonight I’m going to beat up on the idea of the bible itself.

lazy god

Let’s say you are the god of the universe and you want to get your ideas across to the people who you created in the best way possible, so where do you start? Well, obviously it would be easiest to simply speak your rules and values to the minds of all your creation… but that’s not your style is it? No…you’re way too cool for that…so you’re going to write a book. Now being all-powerful it would be completely within your power to write the book yourself and give it out to all the people of the world, I mean you don’t want people going astray and by the time writing was invented, the population of the globe was pretty damn widespread. No…that would be too easy for you and there would be no subservience in that method, so you’re going to get someone else to write the book for you… Lastly, what language are you going to choose? Egyptian? Chinese? Babylonian? Fuck that, you are hipster god, you’re writing that shit in Hebrew, a language known only to a small group of people, in a small region of the world.

Does any of that make sense to you?

shrugged

Let’s look at it from the outside…why do you even need a book to begin with? It seems rather strange that the god of everything would need men to write down his wants in order to fulfill them. That means that up until the invention of writing, man was way better off. Think of that, god had to wait for writing to be invented so that he could have men write his book for him…it’s ridiculous.

Now let’s look at how many translations have been necessary over the years. Doesn’t that strike you as odd? If it truly was a holy book, then wouldn’t people automatically be able to read it? I mean if the information contained is the only thing that is going to keep certain people from going to hell why would you create it in a form that has to constantly be updated?

The fact that god’s book can even be updated seems a bit strange to me as well. As a former fundamentalist I have heard many people speak ill against the NIV, the ESV, and the NKJV. Usually it goes along the lines that god’s word is perfect and so it needs not be updated. Yet, do these same people ever consider that just the steps from the original languages required a huge amount of changes and in some areas a lot of guessing. This isn’t me just making things up, read any bible with footnotes, including the KJV, and you will see tons of scriptures that state what a scripture could also be translated as. Sometimes this is a change in measurement, but other times it changes the entire meaning of the scripture, and in some cases might point out that people are not even sure if a certain section of a book is even in the original texts. 

What most Christians don’t realize is that we lack the originals to biblical manuscripts for the gospels. What this means is that we are often working with copies, of copies, of copies… copies by hand almost always lead to errors and yet we are supposed to believe that the copies used are perfect and that any translations later made are not as perfect. It makes absolutely no god damned sense…

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I’m not Mark….

Another thing that most Christians don’t realize is that the names of the Biblical books do not always point to who actually wrote the damn book. Matthew was not written by the apostle Matthew, nor were Mark, Luke, or John…these are simply names given to these books that have been agreed upon for centuries, simply due to the fact that it has been agreed upon for centuries.

Yet another example, The book of Isaiah, is actually a book written by multiple authors, that was later mashed together in order to make a single book. We know this because the writing styles of the two authors are completely different, something that does not tend to happen in a work written by a single person. If you’ve read this blog you get to know my voice and if my voice were to completely change you’d know quickly that someone else was writing for me.

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I won’t even touch on the idea that Moses wrote the first four books….okay maybe I will just a bit…Moses…did not exist…the exodus did not happen…the Egyptians never had millions of Israelite slaves, and they were never stuck in the desert for 40 years. There is zero, and I do mean zero evidence of anything like this ever happening….It’s all bullshit.

Lastly, I want to touch on the idea of timing. So let’s say you just saw the savior ascend into the clouds, he told you that it was your job to preach the good news of his return to all of mankind, and he obviously told you a lot of important information that you will need to remember, I’m pretty sure you’d get to writing…or hell, why didn’t the disciples include a stenographer? Yet once again, the books of the New Testament are written decades, sometimes 50+ years, after the events were said to occur.

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Let me give you an example…for most people their graduation from high school was a fairly important event in their lives. You spend years in school and now you are finally ready to enter the world. Graduations generally involve a guest speaker who gives a speech which is meant to encourage you and your peers as you enter the world…

Now I want you to give me the exact speech that your guest speaker gave, verbatim. You can’t do it…you might remember the general theme, some of the basic ideas, but you aren’t going to remember enough to write every word that the speaker said.

Yet you expect us to believe that the writers of the new testament did exactly that, even though Jesus spends a good deal of time talking down to his disciples for being piss poor at paying attention…isn’t that odd?

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the bible just does not stand up to scrutiny. Not only is it an awful book due to the scriptures held within its pages, but it also simply doesn’t make sense for a god to communicate with its creation through a book…and this goes for any religion whose god has a book deal, they are all filled with the same sort of bullshit and the same strange fact that god required men to write his or her holy words down….it makes no sense.

Unmasking Doctrine

Unmasking Doctrine #2: One True God

Good morning heathens and hell-bound friends and foes. It’s time for another edition of Unmasking Doctrine, where I take to task the “16 Fundamental Truths” of the Assemblies of God. If you’d like to read the first article in this series, click here: Unmasking Doctrine #1: The Inspired Scriptures. Today we will be dealing with the second “truth” which according to ag.org is as follows…

“The one true God has revealed Himself as the eternally self-existent “I AM,” the Creator of heaven and earth and the Redeemer of mankind. He has further revealed Himself as embodying the principles of relationship and association as Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

2.) Only One God Dude

So after this we are given a handful of scriptures.

  1. Deuteronomy 6:4
  2. Isaiah 43:10,11
  3. Matthew 28:19
  4. Luke 3:22

We are then treated to a bunch of mumbo jumbo and scriptures that try to explain the Trinity and the godhead. I’m going to skip these since they do as good of a job at explaining the trinity as my following example.

So let’s say you are craving an ice cream cone, you go to a shop and order a waffle cone, with two scoops of vanilla and chocolate sprinkles. Well, God is the cone, Jesus is the vanilla, and the holy spirit is the chocolate sprinkles. Now that we have that out-of-the-way let’s move on to why this really makes no sense.

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So the claims of the Christian church is that there is one true god, the Christian one. Yet many Christians also believe that both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are other forms of god which would seem to nullify the claim that Christianity is monotheistic. In order to justify their claims the Christian church came up with the doctrine of the trinity, something that when you try to think about it, just confuses things more.

Now I do want to point out that there are numerous denominations that reject the trinity altogether. So the belief in the triune god is not even agreed upon by all Christians. However we are dealing specifically with the AoG’s and they are decidedly trinitarian. I preached on the trinity many times during my time as a minister and even so the idea never did and never will make sense to me.

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So anyway, let’s look at a passage of the Bible that seems to speak out against the belief in a three in one god.

“3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;”
-Exodus 20:3-5

God is jealous….I mean he’s the only one and it would seem that jealously would run counter to perfection but we see here that it states god’s a jealous guy.  He’s driving past your place at night just to make sure there are no calves in your driveway and no incense smoke coming out your chimney.

Contrary to what trinitarians want you to believe, the old testament has absolutely no scriptures that specifically point towards a triune god. The AoG even mention this in their statement about the one true god…

“The terms “Trinity” and “persons” as related to the Godhead, while not found in the Scriptures,…”

it then makes the claim…

…”are words in harmony with Scripture, whereby we may convey to others our immediate understanding of the doctrine of Christ respecting the Being of God, as distinguished from “gods many and lords many.””

So basically we invented this concept so that we can distinguish our three-in-one god from those dirty polytheists that believe in many gods or many lords. You don’t want to be confused with Hindus or Islamics… So in order to easily convey the Bibles strange contradictions about having only one god and yet having three, we will talk about something that confuses the matter even more.

One of the things that I have found most hilarious about these beliefs is how adamant congregants and ministers in the assemblies will defend these beliefs against other faiths. I’ve heard people make fun of Islam, claiming that Islam has both God and Mohammad, while stating that there is only one true god. No this isn’t actually true with Islam but we’re not going into Islam but just think of how hypocritical those beliefs are. Two is ridiculous but three is completely rational. Makes total sense…

So let’s talk a little bit the members of the Trinity…

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1.) God the Father

This is that wrathful, genocidal, manical god from the old testament. He’s the guy that can’t create anything without it eventually turning on him. I mean think about it, he created both the angels and man only to have them both revolt against his wishes…
This is the god that spends the entirety of the old testament killing anyone who even thinks about looking in the direction of another god.  This god not only wants to send you to the fiery pits of hell, he will put a cigarette out on his skin and orgasm while he does it.

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2.) God the Son

So god takes a sabbatical, tries yoga, and starts smoking pot. He then realizes that a lot of the things that he once advocated for are kinda batshit crazy. This god never kills anyone and especially doesn’t light people on fire for touching a box. Sure…he invents hell but with all the stuff he negates from the old testament, supposedly, it’s almost impossible to end up there. He has only one real rule….stop paying attention to all the worship laws from the old testament and instead believe in him. It’s going to get better because in order to save us from his dad, who is also him, he has to be killed as a sacrifice to appease himself in order that we can be forgiven for the stuff that he came up with to condemn us for. I think maybe he might have smoked a bit too much weed.

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3.) God the Holy Spirit

Now this is the cool god that makes people speak gibberish, raises people from the dead, heals the sick, and cleans your windows. In some faiths he even allows you to hold poisonous snakes…This god takes front and center in the AoG and we will be speaking a lot more about him in later articles. In the assemblies without the help of this god you will not be able to do anything in the ministry at all. As it is taught, this god is the one that does all the work on earth now that wrathful god has taken a break and weed smoking god is taking his sweet ass time in returning.

So why three….why not 4? Couldn’t god’s wrath be a separate figure in the godhead? How about the god that does the dirty work, such as swallowing whole families and sending plagues? Why not make the devil a 5th figure in the godhead? I mean he did come from god and is allowed to do what he does with god’s authority…if you disagree with that check out a little book called Job.

Truth is, the reason for the Trinity in these beliefs is that it is a bad attempt at explaining an awful belief.

The last thing I want to mention here is that the Assemblies specifically refers to the godhead as “THE ADORABLE GODHEAD.” Isn’t he cute…I mean sure he killed millions, allowed rape and slavery, but gosh darn it he is just so darn adorable while doing it.

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To continue on to part 3: click here:Unmasking Doctrine: The Deity of Christ: Virgin Birth