An Aspie In Iowa

An Aspie In Iowa: ASMR Freaks Me Out!

So tonight I watched a few ASMR videos on YouTube. I don’t really want to go into what these are so I’ll leave the explanation here. I’ll also post a couple of example videos so that you have a good idea what these are.


Now what you are supposed to get from these videos is a pleasurable tingling sensation in your spine that makes you feel tranquil. These videos are immensely popular and I have seen numerous testimonials speaking of their usefulness. Well….that was not my experience at all.

Let me tell you, I get a tingling sensation….well tingling isn’t really the proper word for it, I feel like someone is trying to rip my spine out of my back and beat me over the head with it. The feeling that I get from these videos is about the worst feeling that anyone could get without setting yourself on fire.  We watched a video of a woman clicking her fingernails on various items and I literally had tears in my eyes and wanted to run from the room.

At first I would think that this has to do with my autism but my wife who is also an aspie gets the pleasurable response that everyone else raves about. A quick google search found other autistic blogs and websites proclaiming the positives of ASMR and so I’m guessing it’s more or less just me. No real big deal, I’m used to being the odd man out.

I think though that perhaps this does have a lot to do with my aversion to touch and since these videos supposedly stimulate the same nerves that respond to light touch then it is no wonder why I had such a bad reaction to them. I would rather be stabbed than to have someone lightly touch me, I don’t want to sound hyperbolic but to be lightly touched feels, to me, like I am being violated in some horrific fashion.

I guess it only makes sense because I like strong touches. I also like strong sounds, preferring a bit louder than normal speech over any type of whisper. Whispering drives me absolutely insane and makes me sick to my stomach when I hear it. Perhaps this is due to the deceptive nature that whispering is meant to convey much of the time and the amount of times in my past that I knew, or at least assumed, that people were whispering about me.

Anyway, I’d like to send this on over to you folks, my readers. Does ASMR elicit the feel good pleasurable sensation in your mind or are you as turned off as I am by this invasion of obnoxious noise upon your mind? Let me know in the comments. Thanks!

Something Different Saturdays

Something Different Saturday: More Human Than Human

You can thank me later for the great flashback to some classic White Zombie but today I want to talk a little bit about humanity. To be more specific I want to talk about those people who want to transcend their humanity and become something that’s better(?) than they currently are today. I’ll discuss some of the reasons that I see for this want of a better existence, why it’s not a healthy mindset to have, and how being human can already be pretty damn great.


So the first thing that we need to talk about is why someone might want to leave humanity behind.  The truth is that life can be pretty awful at times. We deal with disease, war, death, injury and all sorts of Kardashian bullshit. Life can be pretty damn depressing at times and when you are in this state of mind you might seek a way out and one popular way out is to imagine that this life is not the only one.

Let me list a few things that I was going through when my faith was at its peak.

  1. An Awful Marriage.
  2. A debilitating nerve issue which made walking nearly impossible.
  3. A job that sucked
  4. Lots and lots of stress

And so with this in mind I would consider that this life must simply be preparing me for something better. If I didn’t have something to look forward to then why would I even bother continuing on with this shitty life? If you think my story is unique, think again, time and again I have spoken with other former ministers who had the same set of circumstances going on in their life. Now I’m not saying that you cannot be a happy person and faithful, you can. What I am simply pointing out is for you to truly dwell on wanting to transcend humanity, your life has to be bad enough that you want to leave this world behind.

Going with the first reason I laid out is the feeling of being powerless. Maybe you have no clear ability to change your current life situation and so you believe that if you could simply transcend this world you would be able to exist in a powerful and fully in control state. Perhaps this comes in the form of a blissful heaven that exists somewhere after this life? It could come in the form of transcending humanity and becoming pure conscious thought. Maybe it’s integrating your mind into some form of technology that would allow you to do all the things you have always dreamed of doing but were too scared to try.

Lastly, maybe you just don’t like people…

I don’t personally like people. Being autistic and not knowing it means that I lived for over 30 years of my life without the knowledge of why I was so different from everyone else and thought that if I could just figure out the right things to say and do I could be normal just like everyone else. This led to an intense hatred of humanity. I saw my fellow human beings as idiots who were here to be little more than an annoyance to me as I tried my best just to get through life.  This led me to the desire to escape from this reality and was probably one of the biggest draws that religion had. Once in heaven there would be no pain and so I would no longer feel the pain of being the odd one in the group, I would be normal just like everyone else.

Why is this not healthy?

So let me tell you about something that happened today. I took my family out to dinner at a local establishment. We sat at what looked like a quiet table and ordered our food. Not long after sitting down I realized the massive mistake we had made.

Two women sat beside us having a discussion about a sick friend that had recently passed away. Soon their topic moved on to religion, then psychiatry, then every little fault about every single person they had ever known, making sure to point out exactly why they were better than those people and how it was god that made them these superior beings. You might be saying…why were you listening? I tried not to but one of the women wa so boisterous and mind numbingly annoying that there was no possible way to not hear every single damned word that came out of her mouth, dontchaknow?


Now why do I mention these women? I mention them because of how sad their lives must be. They are incapable of enjoying life and instead spend their time looking down on everyone that they see as sinful or even a little bit different. That is exactly what this mindset breeds and it is no wonder because at its core it is nothing but a cheap form of delusional narcissism. The only thing that these women take joy in is that their god loves them and has set them apart to be superior to their fellow human beings.

Strangely enough they must have missed this scripture…

“Here are six things God hates,
and one more that he loathes with a passion:

eyes that are arrogant,
a tongue that lies,
hands that murder the innocent,
a heart that hatches evil plots,
feet that race down a wicked track,
a mouth that lies under oath,
a troublemaker in the family.”
-Proverbs 6:16-19

So the reason that this type of mindset is not healthy is because it prevents you from enjoying the life that you already have. When you spend your time attempting to get to the next world or the next state of evolution you will ultimately miss out as this life passes you by. However, you’d never hear a complaint from these people because the more they miss out on and the worse their lives get the more they will extol the virtues of your superior lifestyle. Your delusions must grow in comparison to the life that becomes less and less satisfactory which leads to even more self-ostracizing from the people around you.

Being A Human Is Already Pretty Damn Great

Look at the animal kingdom and tell me of a single species that has developed music, art, poetry, literature, medical science,  automobiles, space travel, the internet, etc…. Only a single species on earth can lay claim to these things and that is us, humanity. We have, at our fingertips, every work of fiction and non-fiction that has ever been written. We can enjoy Mozart and Bach. In the western world, even the poorest of Americans can still enjoy more leisure time than at any other time in history.

To put it simply, being a human is awesome. We are the thinking man, Homo Sapiens. Though our mental powers we have risen above our nature and progressed as a species in ways that no other species on earth ever have. In the history of this planet humanity is nothing more than a blip on the map and yet look at all that we have been able to do in the 100,000 or 200,000 years that our species has existed. Think of how much further our species might go in the next thousand to two thousand years if we put our minds together and put our superstitions in the past where they belong.

Now, it is possible though not probably that there is another life after this one. Maybe you will exist in a better form than you do today and I will be completely wrong, but…if it isn’t and you waste this life attempting to escape from it, you’ll be none-the-wiser but a life will have been wasted and that to me is truly sad.