Bad Theism

Bad Theism: The God of the Book Deal

Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike! For the last Bad theism article, click here: Bad Theism: Finely Tuned Bull****. Now, if you’ve spent any time on my blog you will know that I take it to the bible quite a bit. It’s a book filled with genocide, slavery, tape, misogyny, homophobia, and all sorts of other awful stuff. Well, tonight I am not going to beat up on the scriptures at all…that’s because tonight I’m going to beat up on the idea of the bible itself.

lazy god

Let’s say you are the god of the universe and you want to get your ideas across to the people who you created in the best way possible, so where do you start? Well, obviously it would be easiest to simply speak your rules and values to the minds of all your creation… but that’s not your style is it? No…you’re way too cool for that…so you’re going to write a book. Now being all-powerful it would be completely within your power to write the book yourself and give it out to all the people of the world, I mean you don’t want people going astray and by the time writing was invented, the population of the globe was pretty damn widespread. No…that would be too easy for you and there would be no subservience in that method, so you’re going to get someone else to write the book for you… Lastly, what language are you going to choose? Egyptian? Chinese? Babylonian? Fuck that, you are hipster god, you’re writing that shit in Hebrew, a language known only to a small group of people, in a small region of the world.

Does any of that make sense to you?


Let’s look at it from the outside…why do you even need a book to begin with? It seems rather strange that the god of everything would need men to write down his wants in order to fulfill them. That means that up until the invention of writing, man was way better off. Think of that, god had to wait for writing to be invented so that he could have men write his book for him…it’s ridiculous.

Now let’s look at how many translations have been necessary over the years. Doesn’t that strike you as odd? If it truly was a holy book, then wouldn’t people automatically be able to read it? I mean if the information contained is the only thing that is going to keep certain people from going to hell why would you create it in a form that has to constantly be updated?

The fact that god’s book can even be updated seems a bit strange to me as well. As a former fundamentalist I have heard many people speak ill against the NIV, the ESV, and the NKJV. Usually it goes along the lines that god’s word is perfect and so it needs not be updated. Yet, do these same people ever consider that just the steps from the original languages required a huge amount of changes and in some areas a lot of guessing. This isn’t me just making things up, read any bible with footnotes, including the KJV, and you will see tons of scriptures that state what a scripture could also be translated as. Sometimes this is a change in measurement, but other times it changes the entire meaning of the scripture, and in some cases might point out that people are not even sure if a certain section of a book is even in the original texts. 

What most Christians don’t realize is that we lack the originals to biblical manuscripts for the gospels. What this means is that we are often working with copies, of copies, of copies… copies by hand almost always lead to errors and yet we are supposed to believe that the copies used are perfect and that any translations later made are not as perfect. It makes absolutely no god damned sense…

I’m not Mark….

Another thing that most Christians don’t realize is that the names of the Biblical books do not always point to who actually wrote the damn book. Matthew was not written by the apostle Matthew, nor were Mark, Luke, or John…these are simply names given to these books that have been agreed upon for centuries, simply due to the fact that it has been agreed upon for centuries.

Yet another example, The book of Isaiah, is actually a book written by multiple authors, that was later mashed together in order to make a single book. We know this because the writing styles of the two authors are completely different, something that does not tend to happen in a work written by a single person. If you’ve read this blog you get to know my voice and if my voice were to completely change you’d know quickly that someone else was writing for me.


I won’t even touch on the idea that Moses wrote the first four books….okay maybe I will just a bit…Moses…did not exist…the exodus did not happen…the Egyptians never had millions of Israelite slaves, and they were never stuck in the desert for 40 years. There is zero, and I do mean zero evidence of anything like this ever happening….It’s all bullshit.

Lastly, I want to touch on the idea of timing. So let’s say you just saw the savior ascend into the clouds, he told you that it was your job to preach the good news of his return to all of mankind, and he obviously told you a lot of important information that you will need to remember, I’m pretty sure you’d get to writing…or hell, why didn’t the disciples include a stenographer? Yet once again, the books of the New Testament are written decades, sometimes 50+ years, after the events were said to occur.


Let me give you an example…for most people their graduation from high school was a fairly important event in their lives. You spend years in school and now you are finally ready to enter the world. Graduations generally involve a guest speaker who gives a speech which is meant to encourage you and your peers as you enter the world…

Now I want you to give me the exact speech that your guest speaker gave, verbatim. You can’t do it…you might remember the general theme, some of the basic ideas, but you aren’t going to remember enough to write every word that the speaker said.

Yet you expect us to believe that the writers of the new testament did exactly that, even though Jesus spends a good deal of time talking down to his disciples for being piss poor at paying attention…isn’t that odd?


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the bible just does not stand up to scrutiny. Not only is it an awful book due to the scriptures held within its pages, but it also simply doesn’t make sense for a god to communicate with its creation through a book…and this goes for any religion whose god has a book deal, they are all filled with the same sort of bullshit and the same strange fact that god required men to write his or her holy words down….it makes no sense.

Unmasking Doctrine

Unmasking Doctrine #2: One True God

Good morning heathens and hell-bound friends and foes. It’s time for another edition of Unmasking Doctrine, where I take to task the “16 Fundamental Truths” of the Assemblies of God. If you’d like to read the first article in this series, click here: Unmasking Doctrine #1: The Inspired Scriptures. Today we will be dealing with the second “truth” which according to is as follows…

“The one true God has revealed Himself as the eternally self-existent “I AM,” the Creator of heaven and earth and the Redeemer of mankind. He has further revealed Himself as embodying the principles of relationship and association as Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

2.) Only One God Dude

So after this we are given a handful of scriptures.

  1. Deuteronomy 6:4
  2. Isaiah 43:10,11
  3. Matthew 28:19
  4. Luke 3:22

We are then treated to a bunch of mumbo jumbo and scriptures that try to explain the Trinity and the godhead. I’m going to skip these since they do as good of a job at explaining the trinity as my following example.

So let’s say you are craving an ice cream cone, you go to a shop and order a waffle cone, with two scoops of vanilla and chocolate sprinkles. Well, God is the cone, Jesus is the vanilla, and the holy spirit is the chocolate sprinkles. Now that we have that out-of-the-way let’s move on to why this really makes no sense.


So the claims of the Christian church is that there is one true god, the Christian one. Yet many Christians also believe that both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are other forms of god which would seem to nullify the claim that Christianity is monotheistic. In order to justify their claims the Christian church came up with the doctrine of the trinity, something that when you try to think about it, just confuses things more.

Now I do want to point out that there are numerous denominations that reject the trinity altogether. So the belief in the triune god is not even agreed upon by all Christians. However we are dealing specifically with the AoG’s and they are decidedly trinitarian. I preached on the trinity many times during my time as a minister and even so the idea never did and never will make sense to me.


So anyway, let’s look at a passage of the Bible that seems to speak out against the belief in a three in one god.

“3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;”
-Exodus 20:3-5

God is jealous….I mean he’s the only one and it would seem that jealously would run counter to perfection but we see here that it states god’s a jealous guy.  He’s driving past your place at night just to make sure there are no calves in your driveway and no incense smoke coming out your chimney.

Contrary to what trinitarians want you to believe, the old testament has absolutely no scriptures that specifically point towards a triune god. The AoG even mention this in their statement about the one true god…

“The terms “Trinity” and “persons” as related to the Godhead, while not found in the Scriptures,…”

it then makes the claim…

…”are words in harmony with Scripture, whereby we may convey to others our immediate understanding of the doctrine of Christ respecting the Being of God, as distinguished from “gods many and lords many.””

So basically we invented this concept so that we can distinguish our three-in-one god from those dirty polytheists that believe in many gods or many lords. You don’t want to be confused with Hindus or Islamics… So in order to easily convey the Bibles strange contradictions about having only one god and yet having three, we will talk about something that confuses the matter even more.

One of the things that I have found most hilarious about these beliefs is how adamant congregants and ministers in the assemblies will defend these beliefs against other faiths. I’ve heard people make fun of Islam, claiming that Islam has both God and Mohammad, while stating that there is only one true god. No this isn’t actually true with Islam but we’re not going into Islam but just think of how hypocritical those beliefs are. Two is ridiculous but three is completely rational. Makes total sense…

So let’s talk a little bit the members of the Trinity…


1.) God the Father

This is that wrathful, genocidal, manical god from the old testament. He’s the guy that can’t create anything without it eventually turning on him. I mean think about it, he created both the angels and man only to have them both revolt against his wishes…
This is the god that spends the entirety of the old testament killing anyone who even thinks about looking in the direction of another god.  This god not only wants to send you to the fiery pits of hell, he will put a cigarette out on his skin and orgasm while he does it.


2.) God the Son

So god takes a sabbatical, tries yoga, and starts smoking pot. He then realizes that a lot of the things that he once advocated for are kinda batshit crazy. This god never kills anyone and especially doesn’t light people on fire for touching a box. Sure…he invents hell but with all the stuff he negates from the old testament, supposedly, it’s almost impossible to end up there. He has only one real rule….stop paying attention to all the worship laws from the old testament and instead believe in him. It’s going to get better because in order to save us from his dad, who is also him, he has to be killed as a sacrifice to appease himself in order that we can be forgiven for the stuff that he came up with to condemn us for. I think maybe he might have smoked a bit too much weed.

snake handlers

3.) God the Holy Spirit

Now this is the cool god that makes people speak gibberish, raises people from the dead, heals the sick, and cleans your windows. In some faiths he even allows you to hold poisonous snakes…This god takes front and center in the AoG and we will be speaking a lot more about him in later articles. In the assemblies without the help of this god you will not be able to do anything in the ministry at all. As it is taught, this god is the one that does all the work on earth now that wrathful god has taken a break and weed smoking god is taking his sweet ass time in returning.

So why three….why not 4? Couldn’t god’s wrath be a separate figure in the godhead? How about the god that does the dirty work, such as swallowing whole families and sending plagues? Why not make the devil a 5th figure in the godhead? I mean he did come from god and is allowed to do what he does with god’s authority…if you disagree with that check out a little book called Job.

Truth is, the reason for the Trinity in these beliefs is that it is a bad attempt at explaining an awful belief.

The last thing I want to mention here is that the Assemblies specifically refers to the godhead as “THE ADORABLE GODHEAD.” Isn’t he cute…I mean sure he killed millions, allowed rape and slavery, but gosh darn it he is just so darn adorable while doing it.


To continue on to part 3: click here:Unmasking Doctrine: The Deity of Christ: Virgin Birth