Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike! For the last Bad theism article, click here: Bad Theism: Finely Tuned Bull****. Now, if you’ve spent any time on my blog you will know that I take it to the bible quite a bit. It’s a book filled with genocide, slavery, tape, misogyny, homophobia, and all sorts of other awful stuff. Well, tonight I am not going to beat up on the scriptures at all…that’s because tonight I’m going to beat up on the idea of the bible itself.
Let’s say you are the god of the universe and you want to get your ideas across to the people who you created in the best way possible, so where do you start? Well, obviously it would be easiest to simply speak your rules and values to the minds of all your creation… but that’s not your style is it? No…you’re way too cool for that…so you’re going to write a book. Now being all-powerful it would be completely within your power to write the book yourself and give it out to all the people of the world, I mean you don’t want people going astray and by the time writing was invented, the population of the globe was pretty damn widespread. No…that would be too easy for you and there would be no subservience in that method, so you’re going to get someone else to write the book for you… Lastly, what language are you going to choose? Egyptian? Chinese? Babylonian? Fuck that, you are hipster god, you’re writing that shit in Hebrew, a language known only to a small group of people, in a small region of the world.
Does any of that make sense to you?
Let’s look at it from the outside…why do you even need a book to begin with? It seems rather strange that the god of everything would need men to write down his wants in order to fulfill them. That means that up until the invention of writing, man was way better off. Think of that, god had to wait for writing to be invented so that he could have men write his book for him…it’s ridiculous.
Now let’s look at how many translations have been necessary over the years. Doesn’t that strike you as odd? If it truly was a holy book, then wouldn’t people automatically be able to read it? I mean if the information contained is the only thing that is going to keep certain people from going to hell why would you create it in a form that has to constantly be updated?
The fact that god’s book can even be updated seems a bit strange to me as well. As a former fundamentalist I have heard many people speak ill against the NIV, the ESV, and the NKJV. Usually it goes along the lines that god’s word is perfect and so it needs not be updated. Yet, do these same people ever consider that just the steps from the original languages required a huge amount of changes and in some areas a lot of guessing. This isn’t me just making things up, read any bible with footnotes, including the KJV, and you will see tons of scriptures that state what a scripture could also be translated as. Sometimes this is a change in measurement, but other times it changes the entire meaning of the scripture, and in some cases might point out that people are not even sure if a certain section of a book is even in the original texts.
What most Christians don’t realize is that we lack the originals to biblical manuscripts for the gospels. What this means is that we are often working with copies, of copies, of copies… copies by hand almost always lead to errors and yet we are supposed to believe that the copies used are perfect and that any translations later made are not as perfect. It makes absolutely no god damned sense…
Another thing that most Christians don’t realize is that the names of the Biblical books do not always point to who actually wrote the damn book. Matthew was not written by the apostle Matthew, nor were Mark, Luke, or John…these are simply names given to these books that have been agreed upon for centuries, simply due to the fact that it has been agreed upon for centuries.
Yet another example, The book of Isaiah, is actually a book written by multiple authors, that was later mashed together in order to make a single book. We know this because the writing styles of the two authors are completely different, something that does not tend to happen in a work written by a single person. If you’ve read this blog you get to know my voice and if my voice were to completely change you’d know quickly that someone else was writing for me.
I won’t even touch on the idea that Moses wrote the first four books….okay maybe I will just a bit…Moses…did not exist…the exodus did not happen…the Egyptians never had millions of Israelite slaves, and they were never stuck in the desert for 40 years. There is zero, and I do mean zero evidence of anything like this ever happening….It’s all bullshit.
Lastly, I want to touch on the idea of timing. So let’s say you just saw the savior ascend into the clouds, he told you that it was your job to preach the good news of his return to all of mankind, and he obviously told you a lot of important information that you will need to remember, I’m pretty sure you’d get to writing…or hell, why didn’t the disciples include a stenographer? Yet once again, the books of the New Testament are written decades, sometimes 50+ years, after the events were said to occur.
Let me give you an example…for most people their graduation from high school was a fairly important event in their lives. You spend years in school and now you are finally ready to enter the world. Graduations generally involve a guest speaker who gives a speech which is meant to encourage you and your peers as you enter the world…
Now I want you to give me the exact speech that your guest speaker gave, verbatim. You can’t do it…you might remember the general theme, some of the basic ideas, but you aren’t going to remember enough to write every word that the speaker said.
Yet you expect us to believe that the writers of the new testament did exactly that, even though Jesus spends a good deal of time talking down to his disciples for being piss poor at paying attention…isn’t that odd?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the bible just does not stand up to scrutiny. Not only is it an awful book due to the scriptures held within its pages, but it also simply doesn’t make sense for a god to communicate with its creation through a book…and this goes for any religion whose god has a book deal, they are all filled with the same sort of bullshit and the same strange fact that god required men to write his or her holy words down….it makes no sense.