The Diary Of My Mind

Dealing With Self-Doubt

Good evening Heathens and Hell-Bound friends and foes alike.

Tonight I just wanted to write a very quick article about doubt, more specifically doubting yourself. I deal every day with crushing self-doubt. You might be surprised to know that when it came to writing this blog I honestly thought that no one would read it. The response has been more than I could have ever wished for and yet I still suffer from issues with self-doubt.

My doubt began in high school when I was told by a teacher, that I was not a very good writer. In fact I was told that if I didn’t improve my writing ability to a great degree that I might as well quit school, get a job and forget ever going to college.  So I did. At 18, I quit school, got a job, and put dreams of being a writer behind me. I had always dreamed of becoming a writer and with her comment my dreams had been crushed by that teacher, who may have simply having a bad day, but the ramifications of what she said followed until this very day.

It’s not easy finding a way out of the crippling fear that self-doubt can put you in, but with persistence you can fight back against your own mind. I went back to school, wrote numerous papers, got great grades and worked through these doubts as they hit me. Doubts can only hold you back if you let them.

A few things that I have found useful which you can alter to your own dreams.

  1. Write everyday.
  2. Listen to well-meaning criticism.
  3. Ignore those who just want to destroy your dream.
  4. Do what you love for yourself don’t do it for fame or fortune.

I know that writing will never make me rich, I don’t have any delusions of grandeur about my skills. I enjoy what I do and that is what keeps me going. I love to write and due to my persistence I have been able to steal back what that teacher took from me so many years ago. I know that I’m not the best writer in the world nor would I ever claim to be. I’m me, and a me who writes is a little better at being me than a me who does not.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in this endeavor. So much love and appreciation goes out to each one of you.

Satanic Sundays

Satanic Sunday #11: Technological Advancements

Good morning all of you heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike! I couldn’t sleep tonight and so I figured if you can’t sleep, write! No idea how well this sleep deprived post will go but let’s get to it anyway. For last weeks Satanic Sunday, click here:Satanic Sunday: Final Fantasy

666

So this post was meant to be about the internet and yet looking up information for this post I found that the internet was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Christians viewing technology as satanic. As I researched I remembered instances of being in people’s homes who felt that these things were evil and how appalled they were to find that my parents had no problem with them. They believed that by my parents allowing my brother and I to enjoy the benefits of certain technological advancements it might lead to us rejecting the church and entering the world of atheism. How silly of them…my brother is still a theist. Anyway, let’s get to it, Satanic advancements in history….

evil car

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Technology is always looking for ways to improve our lives, make them easier, more comfortable, and less stressful. I’m not sure how well they do since technology opens up a whole new world of stress but the goal is to make things easier.  To the biblical believer, making things easier is to fight against gods plan for us on earth and is of course the work of the devil. Life is supposed to be hard because the bible says it’s supposed to be hard.

So it should come as little shock that when mass transit and automobiles came into the picture there were god botherers there to try to stop it. Both trains and automobiles were considered too fast and too dangerous for any good Christian to ever consider owning. At 35 MPH that wind might just rip your wife’s dress clean off and have her nakedness exposed to the world. Planes on the other hand were considered evil because they were trying to improve on mankind, by adding flight to our set of skills.

“If god has meant for man to fly he would have been born with wings!”

To improve upon gods creation is to say that he didn’t do a great job at it and that it needs improving. God created this world perfect and we are the ones that messed it up, so how dare we attempt to do something contrary to his plan. Yet millions fly each day without incurring the wrath of this supposed insecure god. How weird?

radio

Radio

Radio was considered sinful because of what it was going to bring into your home, secular music and programming. Why would any christian want to listing to big band music when instead they could hum a hymn while reading the good book? Radio not only brought music into the homes of millions but it also brought dramas, gritty crime programs, comedies, and seductive programs.  The fear here is that people would turn away from their scriptural teachings and become a boozing womanizing sinful leach upon society.

telephone

Telephones

What could possibly be more sinful than little Jane staying up late on Saturday night talking to Bobby. Jane should be getting rest in preparation for morning services and Bobby obviously had only one thing on his mind, leading Jane into temptation. Hell, for all we know Bobby might be smoking a weed while he talks to Jane and the devils smoke could pierce straight through those lines and into Jane’s unwilling womb, bringing to life the anti-christ and the end of the world.

Telephones brought the world closer together and most churches were fairly small, hometown operations, that were the end all and be all of salvation. Talking to your friend, who lived on the other side of the country about matters of faith, might allow you both to realize that though you both claim Christianity as your faith, your beliefs can be miles apart.

The telephone can be blamed for another creation that possibly is evil and diabolical…the troll. When telephones were new, each house was interconnected, and so everyone’s phone line was connected to everyone else. A person could enter into your conversation with a good friend and start messing with both of you. Not really anything to do with this post but I thought it interesting.

devil

Television

The “One Eyed Devil” is what I have heard the television referred to by many in my childhood. Lot’s of folks in Pentecostal circles refused to own a TV, those that did fell into two categories.

  • Those like my parents who loved TV and saw that it had the potential for both good and evil.
  • Those that loved TV but pretended to only use them for religious programming.

Many of the reasons that people saw the TV as sinful are actually crossovers with the Radio so I don’t feel the need to repeat them again. TV though had the ability to bring images into your home of violence and sex. TV was also something that everyone wanted and so it was considered by some in the fundamentalist realm as a version of the “Mark of the Beast.” The mark of the beast is what sinful people in the end times will wear upon their body in order to buy, sell, and survive. Just about any technology can be claimed to be the mark of the beast as long as it’s a new technology and people really want to own it.

I can personally remember going into homes that didn’t own a tv, or if they did, their TV was turned around to face the wall or covered in a blanket. I guess Christians believed the same thing as children in those days, monsters and evil cannot possibly get through a blanket.

14.4

The Internet

It is honestly funny to me how evil the internet was considered to be and still is by many of religious faith. Yet, if you’re old enough, I want you to think about what the internet was like in the early 1990’s. You were lucky if you could even get connected to the damn thing, let alone commit any act of evil on it. Hell a single pornographic image could take an hour to download on a 14.4k modem….and yes kids, the internet used to move at the speed of 14.4 kilobytes per second.

The internet was evil because of what it opened up to you, the entire world. You no longer had to believe the people in your local community or even the televangelist on the TV, you could actively research matters on your own. Sure, before the internet we had access to information through encyclopedias and libraries but the internet put this information at your fingertips. Even if it might take several hours to get to where you needed to be on a single Geocities website, complete with awful midi background music.

The internet was also compared to the mark of the beast but people didn’t really care. Sure many Christian homes refused to even entertain the idea of the internet, at least in the short-term, but even the most stringent of believers will admit to its usefulness. My grandfather thinks the internet is completely the work of Satan and yet has, at numerous times, asked me to look things up for him when he felt the need. I guess I am immune to the power of Satan, or he really doesn’t care all that much.

Anyway, Technological advancements had long been praised by the secular world and hated by the religious world, until such a time that the religious world finds a use for that technology. Transportation was evil until ministers realized they could draw larger crowds from many miles away, that meant more money and more souls for the lord….but definitely more money. TV and Radio were evil until ministers found ways to broadcast themselves and rake in millions. Telephones were evil and yet how could anyone sow their seed of faith to the 700 club without dialing that 1-800 number on the screen. Finally, the internet was evil until everyone started using it, religious websites popped up overnight, and the gospel was spread even further….which once again means more coin in the pockets of con artist preachers.

New technology will always be considered evil by the religious establishment, at least up until the point they figure out how to harness its profitability.