Wednesday Woo becomes a podcast this week. I hope you enjoy it!
Scientific discovery is the bane of woo-woo’s existence, since New Agers adore their appeals to nature, as well as the ancient, while hilariously spreading their propaganda regarding the ails of societal advance through social media they accessed using the very progressive science and system they abhor. One of the most vital concepts in their repertoire is animism, which is basically the belief that everything is consciousness, and has spirit. The consensus defines matter as being directly constructed from spirit, which they misconstrue in the rhetoric as “energy” so they may dupe some people into thinking their way is scientific. Spoiler: it’s not. Science has revealed much more simple explanations for the existence of stuff in the universe. Of course, New Agers will insist that science hasn’t revealed everything yet, thus they cling to their nonsense as if it has any use.
Spiritual concepts evolve over time, thus each age that passes embodies their own particular alterations to the traditions of the past. With the rise of monotheism during the bronze age, many began to reject the ideas of animism, instead asserting that worship of multiple spirits that dwell in the rocks and trees was silly, blasphemous, and primitive. The modern age has provided even better refutations to the tribalistic belief of animism, and the age of enlightenment has shown itself to actually be a utility. Still, woo-woo tribes reject this because they feel it is somehow limiting, regardless of how much the enlightenment age of empiricism has expanded our lifespans, connected us in ways we never imagined before, and given us the opportunity to actually find answers to how the universe functions. So many limits, yet animism has provided lots of inventions and progress of its own, right?
It is rather childish to anthropomorphize everything you see, and while I typically applaud imagination, I also find it to be a paranoid state in adults who take it too seriously. Think about the implications of everything having a spirit that needed appeasement – the rocks, trees, and grains of sand – all are watching you…
“I think the main reason these beliefs regarding consciousness and spirit are so appealing is because they muffle an inherent dread of death.”
What does this belief do to the human psyche? For one, it gives them a reason to hold delusions of grandeur about themselves.
“I am a super shaman that sees stuff you normies can’t! Behold my pow-ah, and buy my tea leaf readings! They gives you luck becuz spirits!”
Charlatans toting a label of “shaman” tend to prey on those who seek answers, suckering folks out of hard-earned money for the magic beans Mr. or Missus Spiritual pulled out of their holy ass.
Having multiple ghoulish eyes upon you from everywhere, is the ultimate induced state of madness. The consideration of every bad occurrence being the direct result of “dark forces” is a paranoid, irrational, useless belief. Have you ever tried to talk to someone who thinks invisible forces are after them? They get very angry when you try to reason with them, and are not convinced by evidence because “feelings” are what drives them.
I think the main reason these beliefs regarding consciousness and spirit are so appealing is because they muffle an inherent dread of death. We know that at some point, our bodies will fail us, which is a scary notion that us adults must face. The basic claims of this seem to make it quite evident to me:
Everything is spirit.
Spirit is immortal.
I am spirit.
Therefore: I am immortal, and everything.
Talk about some real dedicated wishful thinking! I suppose it takes real courage to face death.
People are free to believe that rocks have consciousness, and that water remembers passing through Adolf Hitler’s bladder, spreading harmful beliefs from the cradle of humanity like babbling infants. However they are ultimately wrong in doing so, and regressive with their agenda. I have every right to question the behaviors that result from this, and to ridicule bad ideas when they affect my life. Those who believe in these fantasies fall into the paranoid pit of their own psyche, which hurts them and their loved ones. I have been one of those loved ones hurt by such horrid fantasies, thus I deem it a duty of mine to speak out against it. Believing these things is like a drug that peaks then crashes – damaging the body, the mind, and relationships along the ride. Ultimately, these ideas become an addiction. Just say no to animism.
Good evening heathens and hell-bound friends and foes alike. Tonight you are going to be “treated” to another edition of Wednesday Woo: Christian Woo. My wife has been taking care of our sick daughter all week and is exhausted to say the least. So I’m stepping in again for this weeks article.
Faith healing is nothing new to Christianity or religion in general. However the role of the faith healer has taken on a completely new life with the advent of mass media. Television has allowed faith healers to put their act out there and gain an incredibly wide audience and since all of this stuff is televised, it can’t possibly be fake, right?
Let’s take a look at some of these healers…
Okay, that’s enough videos. Needless to say these men obviously have an otherworldly power that allows them to cure the blind, make the lame walk, and make lots of people fall down. Yet, each and every one of these people are nothing more than con artists, given a wide audience willing to drop hundreds of dollars for the chance of being healed.
It’s sad but I once believed in faith healing to an extent. The bible even lists it as one of the gifts of the spirit in 1 Corinthians 12.
“To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;” 1 Cor 12:9
Now, I say I believed in it to an extent because I never believed that Benny Hinn had any kind of power. I remember watching one of his videos as a small child and thinking, “this is like pro-wrestling, these people are not really being healed, it’s all one big act.” I asked my mother, why he didn’t just heal everyone? However, I did believe that healing was something that Christians with enough faith could do.
When I entered the ministry, I had no interest in any kind of faith healing career. Yet, I would pray over people during church services and they would claim to feel power surging through them and were healed of countless issues. None of these healings were real, and often times you had to jump through hoops to even see them as something that could require healing.
A few of my miraculous healings…
- I cured my aunt of breast cancer, she actually had a lump removed and it wasn’t cancerous, it was benign.
- I cured my great-aunt of colon cancer, except it wasn’t healed and about a year later she had to have a huge mass removed from her intestines.
- I made a lame man run…..countless times….the same guy. We had a guy who would hobble in, request prayer, I’d pray and he would then run around the building. He actually just had severe arthritis and the placebo affect allowed him to run.
- I cured a woman of her cataracts….except she had to have them removed a few months later.
- I have cured peoples money problems
- Healed families
- and a plethora of other things
I want to point out that in my case, I never sought people out or claimed that I had any healing gift. In fact if you would ask me, I would claim that I knew i didn’t have the gift of healing…if I did do you think I’d walk around with severe arthritis and a wonky eye?
Anyway, I began to really question faith healing the more people claimed that I had healed them of things that I knew they were not healed from. I realized that faith healing is really nothing more than a bad placebo affect, I say bad because the placebo affect actually works. People would come forward for prayer, usually at the end of a euphoric service, they feel really good and so they imagine that their ailments are better or completely cured. Later when the euphoria wears off, the healing is gone as well.
Faith healing works in the mind of the believer, who seeks out someone to heal them. However, faith healers take advantage of this and seek these people out, putting on huge events and gathering in millions of dollars. These folks still go home and the healing wears off, their finances are harmed, and when they ask why the healing didn’t last it will be thrown back at them that they didn’t have enough faith.
The real reason though is that these people have absolutely no power whatsoever. They are charlatans and go around selling snake oil to anyone willing to buy it.
James Randi built a career debunking these scam artists with the most famous being his expose of Peter Popoff.
Dateline exposed Benny Hinn
Pat Robertson was exposed by a former producer of the 700 club.
Although one could argue that Pat Robertson was exposed when he claimed that god told him to run for president and that he would win…
Each and every time one of these people come forward and are debunked, their ministry takes a short hit and yet a few years later they are back at it once again. Peter Popoff still sells his miracle oil, Hinn still knocks people over, and Robertson continues to claim healings each and every day. How do these people continue coming back after being exposed?
Sadly, it’s simply due to the fact that their followers want to believe they are real and so they will deny any evidence against that idea. They believe in these healers because they want to believe that faith healing is possible. They grasp at any idea in which they might be cured of whatever ailment they suffer from. Unfortunately, in many cases, they will continue these beliefs until they are bankrupt or dead.
Faith healers are nothing but bullshit artists that rob from the weakest members of our society. It’s sad, it’s disgusting, but it’s something that isn’t going to go away anytime soon…
If I’m lying, then I pray that one of these healers has enough faith to call down the wrath of their god and strike me dead at this very instant!
I’m still alive…
For last weeks Wednesday Woo, click here:Wednesday Woo #17: Karma and Morality.
When one hangs around New Age circles for any amount of time, their main concern with consciousness, the mind, and individuality becomes quite obvious: they wish to be rid of it all. Now, I have mentioned this subject before, particularly when it comes to the dangers of losing one’s individual freedom, but this time I would like to focus your attention on the concept of “losing the mind” AKA “becoming pure consciousness,” which translates to a method of peace that essentially turns your mind to goo. The dangers of this idea should be quite evident, but those who desire to attain spiritual enlightenment silence the alarm bells.
“Being a human being is a tough state, especially if you have an awareness of that nagging voice within.”
Human beings cannot achieve this “no mind” of course, but that doesn’t stop New Agers from pretending. I say pretending simply because they claim to be at peace, yet when faced with criticism of their ideas, they tend to fall down from nirvana cloud nine in order to give me shit, telling me that I must open my mind to their woo, without any clue that I had already done so, much to my own despair. This is a hypocritical role in which they partake, and either they lack the cognitive ability to be self-aware (because they don’t expose themselves to adequate stimuli), or they are liars. Either way, I see no moral direction in the practice, since any negative or critical thought that arises is cast aside for more pleasant, yet ultimately meaningless platitudes.
Being a human being is a tough state, especially if you have an awareness of that nagging voice within. I cannot blame people for wishing to escape such a thing, however there are better methods in which to do this. It’s ok to take a moment to relax from the inner critic – listen to music, do something creative, learn a new, challenging skill, etc., but to abandon such stimuli leads to your own brain’s demise. What I find really disconcerting about running away from stimuli for a fake inner peace is, these folks say they wish to be more creative, yet critical thinking is the pathway toward greater creativity.
If you have yet to read Darwin’s Apple, I suggest you check it out. It explains religious ritual, as well as prayer from a more evolutionary correlation of trying to deal with the agony of having higher order consciousness. Being aware of the self, as well as being able to predict future events such as one’s own death brings existential problems. It makes sense that human beings would wish to escape, but the reality is: there is no escaping death. All there can be is a momentary lapse in memory. No amount of belief in energy living on forever is going to change this fact, but believing your energy will last forever places a person in a state where they never have to face any mental challenges that would better their lives while they are here, not to mention, offers no moral guideline to how to treat others.
“It would be chaos – with no technological advances, because intuitions have a tendency to be absolutely wrong in practice, thus any invention would fail.”
If one is willing to sacrifice their own individuality to attain a fake sense of peace, they will push others to do the same, which they do, and wish for everyone to “wake up” to the nonsense they have adopted. Consider the implications of a society run by people who refuse to be challenged, think karma is for real, are skeptical of science, and think that their own personal truth is the actual truth. Seems like woo-woo-Jesus would like such a society…
It would be chaos – with no technological advances, because intuitions have a tendency to be absolutely wrong in practice, thus any invention would fail. Without critical thinking, brains would be mush, so no one would even bother to care for advancement anyhow. Language and writing would decline, because New Agers consider words as meaningless, but poverty would advance, since karma/reincarnation as a moral compass provides only a way of looking down on those who weren’t born into successful circumstances. In fact, you don’t have to even imagine such a thing, since OSHO did his own experiment in mindlessness, having created a small society, but a society nonetheless, where people abandoned their minds, only to be traumatized. Many of them were never the same.
“Shoes and minds must be left at the gate.”
Keep your mind healthy, for it is pertinent if you wish to live a good, moral, healthy life. Read books that challenge you, play games with people, and begin practicing critical thinking for your own sake. Get mental stimulation, after all, a good mind is a terrible thing to waste.
For last weeks article, click here: Wednesday Woo #16: Astral Projection
One of the most important aspects of life for us social animals our relationships, and in order to maintain good, loving relationships, we must have some sense of integrity. In fact, one of the largest debates during humanity’s enlightenment period was how to conduct ourselves morally. This debate remains alive and well, and is still a very poignant when it comes to progress. Our moral concepts drive us past the instinctively selfish states toward more harmonious goals and achievements, simply because of concern for the best in human well-being. Those who follow the gurus of New Age teachings tend to leave their innate sense of humanity behind, instead choosing a path that encourages selfishness and an utter lack of concern for other people. One of the most important aspects of life for us social animals are our relationships, and in order to maintain good, loving relationships, we must have some sense of integrity. In fact, one of the largest debates during humanity’s enlightenment period was how to conduct ourselves morally. This debate remains alive and well, and is still a very poignant when it comes to progress. Our moral concepts drive us past the instinctively selfish states toward more harmonious goals and achievements, simply because of concern for the best in human well-being. Those who follow the gurus of New Age teachings tend to leave their innate sense of humanity behind, instead choosing a path that encourages selfishness and an utter lack of concern for other people.
Obviously this is not a man who wished to transcend his own selfish desires in order to achieve the best possible morality. Instead, he was more concerned with having as much for himself as possible, surrounded himself with the very rich, and duping them out of millions of dollars so he could satiate his own folly. This is a definite step backward in terms of any serious moral argument born from the enlightenment. While Osho claims to have abandoned the teachings of the past, he certainly seems to be living in accordance to the concept of karma, which is a philosophy utilized by his native India in order to maintain the hierarchy of power and poverty in the country. The caste system is an atrocious, undignified ideology, which highlights consequences being passed on through reincarnation as opposed to actual human effort.
Basically, karma works as follows:
1. “It’s your own fault, even if you don’t remember why.”
If you’re poor, sick, or being abused, well, tough shit! You should’ve never done the stuff you don’t remember doing. It must have been horrible, so let’s treat you like crap until you learn not to do the things that we have no evidence of you ever having done.
2. “What you do now impacts the future.”
Kind of self evident, but again, this is a grain of truth in a bag full of shit.
3. “We get what we deserve.”
There is no evidence for this, but those who maintain that karma is the medium through which justice is served don’t feel they need evidence, and can selfishly justify treating people like crap while leaning on the idea of “act now, pay later.” What a wayward way of thinking!
4. “Let’s assume that nothing we do matters.”
Of course, this is pretty much where the idea of karma logically leads, although it does contradict the above notions of impacting the future, and getting what you deserve. Perhaps this is the only pillar of the entire philosophy. What kind of real morality assumes nothing at all matters?
5. “Nothing is random.”
Once again, there is no evidence to back up this claim, and only serves as a way to confirm a bias that upholds the monstrosity that is the caste system. This is a religious concept that creates a boundary between the rich and poor, us and them, those who “deserve” horrible lives and those who do not. I see no way that a person could truly hold these beliefs while maintaining a moral way of life. The belief in karma should be abandoned if we are to achieve the best possible course toward human well-being. The struggle to end this type of karmic discrimination has been going on for a long while now, and hopefully, for the betterment of their own people, those who stand against the caste system shall be victorious. The question I have is, do we really want to maintain these ideas of karma that have spread so much horror in the country from which they derive?
When I was a New Ager, I struggled with accepting this idea, so I had to redefine karma as “lessons we learn in life” as opposed to its actual meaning. I knew about the caste system, and despite wanting to accept the New Age type of enlightenment, a part of me just could not accept karma without changing it to suit my own terms. This was one of the cognitive dissonances I had to face ultimately, and as soon as this concept broke down for me, I began to notice the horrible things people in my “tribe” were saying about other people, as well as world events. The last straw for me was seeing a friend of mine complain about videos being shared on her timeline about the Syrian gas attack that showed children writhing in pain and struggling to breathe. Her issue with it wasn’t about how horrible it was that human beings were made to suffer in such an agonizing way – no, she was bitching because it brought down her “good vibes”. This made my jaw drop and my blood boil, and upon recalling this event, the hypocrisy and lack of concern still makes me angry. This was a woman who talked nonstop about loving others, yet where was the love?
New Agers say they abhor religion, but this isn’t really the case, they consider all religions to have some sort of truth, which of course is just cherry picking. The truth is that these ancient holy books have very little actual truth in them, and if one follows the logic of old religious concepts like karma, we take a step backward morally. I think we can do better, and in order to do that, we need to leave behind the cruel philosophies of “holy” books.
Jennifer is back this week with an all new edition of Wednesday Woo. It was fun to take the reins for a week but I am glad to see her back in the fray. For last weeks article, Christian Woo, click here.
The New Age magical thinking knows no bounds, especially when it comes to the physical world. There seems to be an innate desire within these folks to hold unlimited power, and to escape the dreary limits of their position as a physical being. In other words, they wish to be everyone, and everywhere, therefore the idea of traveling wherever they desire in an instant would definitely hold appeal.
In order to actually believe this, you would have to accept that:
1. Consciousness has nothing to do with the brain.
2. You have more than one type of body, and many of your “bodies” are not physical.
3. That it is possible to separate these bodies while maintaining conscious ability.
4. The outdated concept of “aether” is true.
5. Auras are a thing.
6. Chakras are real.
7. That conscious awareness of the chakras, auras, and ether gives you superpowers.
8. Imagination is reality.
9. Near death experiences testimonials are “proof” of these things.
Now that’s a lot to swallow, considering there is no evidence of any of these features. Of course, there wouldn’t be, since (according to peddlers of woo) the physical world is an illusion, and scientific evidence is bullshit. If there is any indication that followers of such concepts are prone to escapism, this is definitely one of them. I cannot blame human beings for having very human feelings, and who hasn’t held the desire to instantly teleport to another place for whatever reason? That would be cool as fuck! However, constructing an entire belief system without evidence just to confirm a comforting lie is not a healthy way of living.
So let’s go over the concepts you would have to accept to sustain a belief in astral travel:
1. Consciousness exists in the brain, and there is evidence for this fact. I have already gone over this subject here. (link to consciousness blog)
2. There’s no evidence for anything other than a physical body.
3. I refer to #2.
4. The concept of aether, developed by Aristotle, was disproven by Einstein’s theory of special relativity. (http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/physics/Ether.html)
5. Auras are more than likely synesthesia as opposed to a real phenomenon. There is no evidence they are real. (http://neurowiki2014.wikidot.com/individual:emotion-evoked-synesthesia)
7. Since none of these things are true, consequently, super human abilities are also bullshit.
8. Imagination is… imagination, and by definition, not real.
9. **Near** death (not actual death) experiences are produced by brains that are not functioning properly, and therefore do not produce any reliable, demonstrable representation of “spirit” nonsense.
Seems these criteria fall flat on their face, don’t they?
When I was a New Ager, I fervently believed in all of this stuff because I had an out-of-body experience while fasting and inducing a trance state for a few days. I went to sleep, but oddly enough, it didn’t feel as though I had actually lost consciousness. Instead, I seemed to be lingering over my body – watching over it as weird things occurred. Sometime in the middle of the night, three black dogs arrived and began to feast upon my body. It was a very strange thing to witness, but didn’t elicit any fearful emotions. Somehow I got the feeling they were healing me of some ailment or latent psychic problem. Of course, there was no reason to believe this was actually occurring, but I was willing to ignore this because I wanted healing desperately. When I awoke, I felt as though I hadn’t really slept, despite a lack of fatigue. I believed this had actually occurred, despite having no evidence, and never attempted to investigate the instance to find out. Now I understand that it was a dream, instigated by my fasting, trance state, and subconscious desires. I am not the only skeptic this has happened to, either.
Notice how investigation brought down the notion of an OBE? That’s how it always pans out, too. Sure you will have “studies” conducted by pseudoscientists offered to you by believers, and there are plenty to be found online and in various books. There’s a also an ocean of anecdotes and testimonials people love to share so they can confirm their own bias, but none of that is evidence of astral travel, remote viewing, or any form of BS out-of-body phenomena. Every time these things are subjected to double-blind studies, they fail miserably. Every. Single. Time. They cannot be replicated, and therefore not scientifically confirmed. And, just for the record, the stuff about remote viewing from the CIA doesn’t count as evidence, either. Just because experiments were done in the past, top-secret ones with redacted information released, doesn’t mean that OBEs really happen. These stories indicate absolutely zilch. One cannot help but wonder why they eventually abandoned these ideas, but I’ll bet it has something to do with the urgency and desperation of a Cold War came to its inevitable end. Hopefully government agencies no longer give a platform to just any kook that crosses their path, but considering the current political climate, who can say?
I know many folks wish to consider their consciousness to be immortal, but there’s no evidence or good reason to believe it. These concepts may be comforting to some, and I understand that, however the truth does matter, however painful it may seem. This discomfort, just like life, doesn’t last. Personally, I am confident that adults can handle an inconvenient truth, even if it makes them uncomfortable.
So Jennifer is recuperating from the holidays and our daughter just went back to school today so writing a blog was the last thing on her mind. So I figured why not jump on here and write my own article for the Wednesday Woo series? Today I will be talking about some of the woo like beliefs that many Christians follow even if there is no biblical standard for any of these beliefs. While New Age beliefs and Fundamentalist Christianity seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of theism some of the beliefs are so similar that you would think they are one and the same.
One of the major ways that American Christianity sets itself apart from the rest of the world would be the plethora of televangelists that promote what is commonly known as “The Prosperity Gospel.” What this set of beliefs attempts to promote is the idea that god will financially bless anyone that fully puts their trust in him. Now how does one put their trust completely into the hands of god, you ask? Well by sending cash to whatever televangelist you happen to like best.
This belief is built around a scripture in the parable of the Sower:
“And those are the ones on whom seed was sown on the good soil; and they hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold.” – Mark 4:20
So basically the parable is about reaping souls for god, in other words saving lots of people from the fires of hell. However those who promote the prosperity gospel will use this verse and a few other cherry picked scriptures in an effort to give the idea that god wants to make you rich. The other scriptures that these pastors will use deal with the idea of tithing, giving a tenth of all your increase(income) to the priestly order, a practice that was stipulated in the old testament and continued by many Christian sects throughout the centuries. What they then say is that if you give 10 dollars you will receive 100 or 1000 in return and so who wouldn’t want to give a small offering if god is definitely going to return to you all of it and way more.
Well the facts are tithing is a tremendously arduous and sometimes painful process. If you have never practiced tithing, imagine having to set aside ten percent of your income, income that may be needed for food or bills, and giving it away, hoping that you will be blessed in the future. Now charity is good but tithing is in some ways nearly murder. I have known elderly women on social security who have begging for food simply so that they can pay their tithe and not fear the wrath of god if they don’t. This is one of the main reasons that when I was a minister I never taught on tithing, it’s one of the few things that I am proud of from that facet of my life.
So anyway, you give your 10 dollars and you get 100 back, everyone wins right? No because you almost never see this return and when you don’t see the blessings that the minister guaranteed who is at fault? If you said the minister, you’re wrong. The person who is always at fault is the one who gave the money to begin with. What you will hear is that the person gave with the wrong idea in mind, because if you give wanting a blessing then you will never receive that blessing, even if the minister promoted the blessing as the only reason to give.
Now imagine if you went to buy a car, you give the dealership your money and the dealership throws you out on your ass. When you ask why the dealership states that you gave your money expecting to get a car in return and so you don’t get the car. If you had only showed up and given the money with no expectations in your mind, the dealership would have blessed you with a car in return. Does that make any sense? Absolutely not, but this is the exact same mindset that the prosperity gospel promotes. Give your money because a blessing will be returned to you but be sure that you aren’t doing it expecting a blessing because if you do that you’ll end up fucked….It’s absolute bullshit.
Name It And Claim It
In the same vein as the prosperity gospel is the “name it and claim it” crowd. An offshoot of mainline Pentecostalism this group of ministers claim that your words have power and that if you claim good things you will receive good things, if you claim bad things you will receive bad things. If you think this sounds exactly like new age gobbledy gook then you would be 100% correct.
Basically, what this theology teaches is that our world is shaped by the things we think and more specifically the things we say, hence the “name it and claim it” moniker. While on the surface it might seem innocuous in reality this belief system can be incredibly dangerous. Positive thinking can help to a certain point and a healthy psychological perspective can be built around telling yourself good things that you like about yourself.
Saying “I like my smile” may bring you a simple confidence boost and help you feel better about yourself, however when you look at the opposite side of the coin things get very murky. Let’s say you go to the doctor and the doctor runs some tests only to find that you have cancer, well the “name it and claim it” crowd would tell you that if accept what the doctor says then you do have cancer and it will only get worse the longer you say things like, “I have cancer.” So what are you supposed to do? Go around saying, “I don’t have cancer,” and believing that god has healed you of your cancer. You don’t receive chemo, or surgery, or anything that would take away any amount of trust in god and you simply believe that the cancer doesn’t exist. Do you see the problem with this type of theology?
To bring this to a personal note, my great-grandmother went to a revival meeting one night and asked for prayer due to a heart issue that she had suffered with for several years. The minister prayed over her and asked her if she believed she had been healed, she said that she believed and so he told her to throw away her heart medication in a show of faith before god. The minister moved on to another revival in another town and my great grandmother, full of faith and lacking the heart medication that she desperately needed died of a heart attack. I’m sure the minister never thought of my great-grandmother again but the family lost a matriarch and a young boy got his first taste of skepticism which would stick with him and helped aid him leave the faith many years later.
Oil, Sand, and Other Such Bullshit
I’ve laughed and joked about crystals and salt lamps in the past but Christianity has its own bullshit market filled with trinkets that will definitely get you closer to god. You can buy oil from the holy man that has been prayed over by a televangelist. You can buy sand supposedly from the path that Jesus walked which has healing properties because Jesus walked on it at some point in history. I knew a man who had a cloth that he said was dipped in the blood of Christ that he had purchased during a revival, in reality it was a cloth that had been dyed red but he earnestly believed that when he prayed with that cloth in hand that he was closer to god.
A local woman had scriptures written all over her house because it protected her from evil spirits. Really all it protected her from was visitors because there was no way that I was going into the creepy scripture coated house. She had them on her walls, in her cupboards, in every drawer and in every room, the worst thing was she had them scrawled all over the walls of her kids rooms too. I was friends with her son for a short period of time and knowing what teenage boys do with free time on their hand I can only imagine the psychological torture of having to wank it with the bible staring you straight in the face 24/7….not that he wanked 24/7 but you get the picture.
Anyway, most of the trinkets and practices that you see going around from church to church have little to no biblical backing whatsoever and they are simply done because it makes the person who owns it feel better. I’ve always found it hilarious that many people walk around with crosses draped around their neck even though the bible explicitly prohibits any sort of iconography. The Catholics get around this by simply removing that commandment from the top 10 but isn’t that just cheating?
To finish up I’ll leave you with another personal story. We had a woman in church, an elderly woman whose husband had died many years prior. She had her husbands bible and she would say that whenever she read from that bible it was as if her husbands warmth enveloped her and she felt gods power working deep inside her…Basically god granted this bible orgasmic properties which….more power to her but not the type of thing that a teenage boy wants to think about when he’s trying to wank it in his room after church….
That’s right I told the story of my great-grandmothers death and included two wanking jokes in the same blog….yep, I’m awesome!